Aging and commiserating

I always said that I would age naturally.  No botox, nips and tucks, hair dye etc.  I have earned every wrinkle.  Not crazy about the chin hairs but they go with the territory!  

However the aspect of aging that I am having trouble with is losing people.  My daughter-in-law Tiina's dad died yesterday.  He had been failing for quite awhile so it wasn't a surprise.  I feel for her and her family.  It matters not that it was 'expected'.  It still hurts.  That little thread of hope is gone.  

A couple of weeks ago, the chaplain from work died.  I had known him for years.  He was also the ordained minister who dressed up as Thor to officiate at Andrew and Tiina's halloween wedding.  His death was unexpected and a shock as Arnie had a zest for life.

The topic of conversation with friends these days is our aches and pains, our visits to the doctor etc.  Last evening I had a long chat with a dear friend who has chronic issues.  She has Congestive Heart Failure and needs knee replacements but they can't operate because of her CHF.  Her legs are so swollen, she can't move about without a walker, and she is in pain.  She has always been fiercely independent and now she must depend on her daughter for her needs.

My next door neighbour is fearlul of losing her eyesight.  She has an ulcer on her cornea.  Her dry eye syndrome is painful and they haven't found any med that can ease it.  She also has some sort of autoimmune disorder that they are having trouble identifying.  

Another friend, an avid reader has severe eye issues.  He lives in fear of going blind.  He also suffers from depression - I think bipolar but he inisists it is not. 

I think I have talked about my classmate who was in hospital for over a year and the one who almost died.  I could go on and on!

Joe and I joke about our memory loss - between us we have a memory!  We get up moaning and groaning until our stiffness dissipates.

My doctor and I are chatting more than we have in 20 years.  The upside of Covid is that I have phone appointments!  My blood work was slightly irregular - so we had a chat over the phone.  For my age, I am doing well but we have to keep an eye on my kidney function as my glomerular filtration has deteriorated.  It has always been borderline.  Compared to my friends, I am pretty healthy.  Of course there is the creaky joint issue.   Up until recently, I have had no problem with hips or knees.  Lately my hips have been telling me they don't like lugging the rest of me around so much.  Joe and I went for a walk yesterday.  Usually I walk faster than him.  Yesterday, he kept turning around to see if I was face down in the snow!  No walking today as we are in a deep freeze for a few days.  Woe is me.   I feel guilty whining as I really am healthy compared to my friends.

I was having a delightful conversation with a friend about dying.  I told her that I thought Joe would have a harder time coping if I died first.  He heard me and asked me why.  I told him that I would reach out to friends.  He would not.  He had to agree.  I would be devastated but he would be bereft.  

For most of my career, I worked with seniors.  I am now living it and frankly, I am finding it to be a rather unpleasant experience at the moment.  I am reminded of the Monty Python song "Always look on the bright side of life".  I think I will look at the photos of Cevyn and the twins.  They make me smile.

It was Lisa's husband's birthday on the 1st.  I left a voicemail birthday greeting.  He called on Wednesday. I though he was calling to return my call.  Instead he called to ask about a parcel he recieved addressed to Lisa Ehrenholz delivered to his house.  The packaging had our information on it.  He wondered what it was about.  Joe had ordered a book for Cevyn and had it delivered there as she is moving soon.  The thought was that Joe had ordered something for Lisa once upon a time and the company put in that info - or Joe absentmindedly put her name on it.  I believe it was Lisa was saying Hi.  Cevyn thought that was quite cool!

Lisa:  I miss you so much.  Keep sending those winks!  I love you always, Mummy