age related gaps

my time in the river region seems to have riled the regrets over the life i had before inheriting my three orphans. i tease DOS2 freely about how she has turned my pirate's den into a hen den, but far more distinct than the lace curtains, etc., is the social distance between my life upon this little ship of fools and her senior lifestyle and caregiving for the sister between us in age. i donae believe anyone would guess that i am the elder sibling. just believing. . . i donae care to do the research. i be tempted to righteous indignation that DOS2 is squandering her place in my beloved river region on domestic pursuits, but reminding myself anew that not everybody wants to be a river rat when they grow up.

big sis has been shadowing me this morning. i had thought we were past that pesky tendril of her attachment disorder, but old habits do die hard, even for 6 year olds. i swallowed my discomfort of having an audience for my morning hygeine and theorated that it fits my children as emotional barometers theory. big sis has no words for what she is reacting to, but she feels and is reacting to the agitation of my flight instincts. my heart really is elsewhere today. i miss retirement. i miss my rivers. i amnae certain i miss my age peers much, but i feel incomplete with their absence.

stuck in the dust bowl again. . .

letting god lead the dance.

again i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. plying therapy tools.