Again on the edge

everyone has a story, and i am no different from countless others. I've lived and done both beautiful and horrible things; achieved wonders and fallen to the greatest lows and yet even with all of my accomplishments in mind, and recognition of my continued potential, i do not believe right now, not in myself or in a future.  it's so hard sometimes, i go a few months doing alright and then i feel myself slipping into depression, or a period of anxiety, or mania and i don't know how to handle it. i am afraid and i am tired.  the last few weeks have seen the return of crying jags. i just start weeping for no reason. i live with my sister and to keep her from worrying i pass my reddened eyes off as the allergies. but still i am slipping and i feel so alone. she soesn't really understand. none of my family do though bpd and mental illness run in the family. it is the elephant in the living room. and really i feel as though everyone just wants me to "suck it up and get over it."