Again, I'm getting tired of this Shit

Trouble sleeping, Again last night.

I had a Flashback/nightmare,  My friend posts on facebook sometimes about her brother, And sometimes , am compelled to say somethig,  Like, How's he's doing to ask how's he's doing,  I might get "You know we don't talk about that"

Just like her father use to do, Whenever His son made me feel uncomfortable with stuff he use to...Gloat and shame me........Major PTSD issues.

Even my mother will coment on post's of my "friend's" kids....She will never say thank You or anything.

What bothers, me is she will never talk about this with me,  I think I Know Why, I had to "pretend" to be her brother's  "Little brother"

If her brother heard me talking about him, It would upset him.

My mothe would never talk about with me/us (I think they used my two brother's also)

Anyway, In last night, in my mind, his brother-in-law  confronted me,  Backing me into a corner,  And I had him in a head-lock,  And my parent's called the police, And I went to Jail For just defending myself.

My Mom has alway's defended this  Downsynsrome Guy,  She has always gone along with the fact the he is older then me "do What he says"  And I was always the "bad guy"

It's like his parent's wanted everyone to feel sorry for him cause they give him what he wanted......A little brother.

I don't sleep, cause also after I eat I end up falling asleep on the couch, I try to keep myself awake....Also, I did have two beer's last night,  I wouldn't two beer's would keep me awake.

I'am so looking forward to this sleep study,  Hopefully if it picks up me having anxiety I can do something about it,  Which even when I was a kid, I kinda wanted to see someone in the back of my mind,  But, I was a really shy kid, And felt really socially Awkward, And couldn't express myself,  I never tryed, Cause I knew It would just  fall on  "deaf ears"