again and again it goes on

I can't get past this point where I am ok for more then a little while.  I want to be the one who feels good I want to be the one who is ok.  He is the one that is doing good and I told him to get out. which he still has not done to many excuses but I dont' know what is going on in his head.  he knows I want a divorce he knows I can't take his lies anymore and before when this happened he would always feel bad and not want to see me hurt.  Now it looks like he does not give a shit.  He goes on his merry way chatting with his women and me I sit here by my self because I don't want to bother anyone. Its not fair I hate him so much but I want him to care about me and hurt like he hurt me. I am to many emotions I can't stand it