again and again

I feel like I am constantly going down the dark downward spirl and I can't escape myself. I just want everything to go away. I just feel so overwhelmed with so many different emotions. I feel so nervous and anxious. I don't want to see people I am afraid of seeing people because I am afraid of what they think of me. I am going through one of those phases where I feel like everything is falling apart and everyone hates me. I am so scared that I am losing people and I don't know what to do to make it go away. I don't want people to think that I am a disappointment. Or just see me as someone who is sad all of the time. I am constantly trying to find different ways to control what other people think of me, even though I know that what other people do and think is completely out of my control and I don't have that much power over people. I just feel so lost. I am not doing well, but I don't want people knowing about it because I hate when they ask the question, "well what happened" or "oh I thought you were doing so much better." It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong... I don't know... I guess I am just rambling at this point...