Again...
I went back...in May. Things seemed great and like it was going to work out again but lately I had found myself totally dependent on him again. It wasn't ok when i was out with friends but the days he had plans and didn't want me along, I was needy for asking for his time.
It got to the point where I couldn't handle the days I didn't see him and was so depressed that I had to end it.
This time I don't know if it was abuse or whether I was truly just completely childish and needy and emotionally broken. Now I am really alone, I'm moving back home to seattle where all my friends and family are but that can't happen until May, as I have graduate school to finish.
He told me during the fight that ended it that I wasn't a friend and that I never trusted him and people who truly love people don't accuse them of lying etc. Maybe he was right. I feel now more than ever that I am someone who depends on others to feel good. Because right now I just want to hide and sleep. I want to call him and have him hug me again but I know things will never ever ever be good with us.
I have never had this experience with any other friend, boyfriend, or family member. I get along with everyone so well, so what happened here? And why is it making me so depressed? Im usually so reasonable and I don't like who I have become.
Feeling hopeless and lonely right now.
It got to the point where I couldn't handle the days I didn't see him and was so depressed that I had to end it.
This time I don't know if it was abuse or whether I was truly just completely childish and needy and emotionally broken. Now I am really alone, I'm moving back home to seattle where all my friends and family are but that can't happen until May, as I have graduate school to finish.
He told me during the fight that ended it that I wasn't a friend and that I never trusted him and people who truly love people don't accuse them of lying etc. Maybe he was right. I feel now more than ever that I am someone who depends on others to feel good. Because right now I just want to hide and sleep. I want to call him and have him hug me again but I know things will never ever ever be good with us.
I have never had this experience with any other friend, boyfriend, or family member. I get along with everyone so well, so what happened here? And why is it making me so depressed? Im usually so reasonable and I don't like who I have become.
Feeling hopeless and lonely right now.
Replies
I can really relate to how you\'re feeling. I second guess everything some days. I know I made the right choice though. That\'s what keeps me going. My heart and mind aren\'t agreeing but this time I\'m going with my mind. This time is the 3rd time and it\'s only been 2 weeks, he\'s still begging for me to take him back. But I know, it will never change for good. Hang in there....Hugs!
I\'ve been with past ex-boyfriends where I just felt like I wanted them to hug me again, even though I knew the relationship was not healthy. Its Ok to still love your boyfriend, try to keep journaling, and reach out to friends. Please don\'t let yourself be in a situation where you are being abused. Congratulations for going to graduate school! You have a very bright future ahead of you!