Aftershock
I did something really stupid tonight.
I went to the bar and had three drinks. I was miserable all day and couldnt wait to get there. Afterwards i went home and dumped my guts to Roomie. Told him i didnt love him and that i dont think he loves me and that we are two very different people.
Then i went and got into tub...and i suppose after tonights slumber the "Where do we go from here" talk comes. I feel a sense of relief in a way. Its a ton off my shoulders but at the same time self loathing sets in because alcohol finally gave me the courage...its in a since my cryptonite. Noone can hurt me and it gives me the courage to say how I feel.
I couldnt stick to the yellow brick road and ask the wizard for courage.....sigh....im an idiot.
Replies
Self-flagellation has yet to help me fix any of my mistakes. It only gives me something to do while I nurse my denial. Be gentle with yourself, Romantic One. Honesty may harder to summon, but I find it is easier to work with in the long run.
Don't punish yourself with guilt! . We all do what we think we need to do at certain times because we are human. Most people would continue to drink themselves unconscious but the difference with you is you understand why you did it so you can make a plan to avoid it in the future. I think this was a lesson. You now know you need to face your fears in the future and be honest without having to use alcohol as a crutch to make the words come out. I am actually quite proud of you for finally telling your roommate the truth even if it took a few drinks to get your courage up!
I think you are fine. Don't worry about it. Don't call yourself an idiot. You are NOT! Your soul is growing!
God Bless