Afternoon 12/26/2013
So far not too bad today. I took 2 pain meds in the morning and the chronic pain has been, for the most part, kept at bay. Sadly I have been fooled by this devil before but I will take the small victory for now.
My anxiety/depression has been kept, mostly, in check but I can feel myself on the razors edge. Once again I'll take the small victory but it will take more then a few hours of "slightly better" to give me any confidence in my ability to someday get back to "normal". Whatever the f-ck normal is anymore...not sure I would know if it bit me in the arse.
I just want to go about each day in peace. That's it. Do my work, live a boring life and just be happy for that. If this damn pain would go away like the doc keeps saying it would help to lift that weight off of my shoulders but I can't wish it away so I need to find a way to deal with it in my own mind.
If only I could understand where the feelings of hopelessness and sadness stem from. I pray the therapist can help me find the root of this madness. I feel "ok" right now but that darkness is stalking me like some freaking serial killer hiding in the shadows waiting to take advantage of any weakness.
The reality is that this little bastard that stalks us is actually a weak little demon that needs his stupid ass kicked!
My chronic physical pain I can only do what I can do. My mental pain...this is bullshit. Whatever it takes. I'll be working with my regular doc for meds, my therapist to sort out this nonsense in my head out and my support from family, friends and this site.
My father couldn't breath for over 3 years but he didn't get depressed and lived life. I need to do the same.
My anxiety/depression has been kept, mostly, in check but I can feel myself on the razors edge. Once again I'll take the small victory but it will take more then a few hours of "slightly better" to give me any confidence in my ability to someday get back to "normal". Whatever the f-ck normal is anymore...not sure I would know if it bit me in the arse.
I just want to go about each day in peace. That's it. Do my work, live a boring life and just be happy for that. If this damn pain would go away like the doc keeps saying it would help to lift that weight off of my shoulders but I can't wish it away so I need to find a way to deal with it in my own mind.
If only I could understand where the feelings of hopelessness and sadness stem from. I pray the therapist can help me find the root of this madness. I feel "ok" right now but that darkness is stalking me like some freaking serial killer hiding in the shadows waiting to take advantage of any weakness.
The reality is that this little bastard that stalks us is actually a weak little demon that needs his stupid ass kicked!
My chronic physical pain I can only do what I can do. My mental pain...this is bullshit. Whatever it takes. I'll be working with my regular doc for meds, my therapist to sort out this nonsense in my head out and my support from family, friends and this site.
My father couldn't breath for over 3 years but he didn't get depressed and lived life. I need to do the same.
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