afraid
I haven't been around DS much in many months due to my struggles. My social issues often make it difficult for me to open up and to maintain friendships.
I want to have friends so much, but it usually creates a lot of stress in me which is in no doubt due to my self esteem issues. Deep down I feel like I am not good enough for anyone and I am terrified of screwing up.
I frequently stress on whether I will know what to say or if I will say the right thing so I often say nothing at all. That it turns creates even more stress because I want to reach out, but I am convinced I have messed up the friendship. So I remain paralyzed in fear.
I also am terrified of opening up to friends about struggles much because I am afraid people will think I am downer since my depression is so severe and frequent.
I also worry about asking questions because I am afraid I will be judged as too nosy. Which in turns makes me fear people will think I am self absorbed if I talk about my problems and don't ask many questions. So again I get paralyzed into silence.
The irony is that I did eventually make a friendship where I was not paralyzed by fear, but it ended because I occasionally talked about my struggles with depression because they led me to believe it was okay to lean on them.
So one of my fears came true and I am terrified. I don't know how to act around others. Is it okay to open up to people or is it better to keep quiet and just keep it in a support group/therapy type setting even if the friend tells me it is okay to open up??
I want to reconnect with my friends on DS. I want to make friends, be a better friend, and support others. But I am scared.
I want to have friends so much, but it usually creates a lot of stress in me which is in no doubt due to my self esteem issues. Deep down I feel like I am not good enough for anyone and I am terrified of screwing up.
I frequently stress on whether I will know what to say or if I will say the right thing so I often say nothing at all. That it turns creates even more stress because I want to reach out, but I am convinced I have messed up the friendship. So I remain paralyzed in fear.
I also am terrified of opening up to friends about struggles much because I am afraid people will think I am downer since my depression is so severe and frequent.
I also worry about asking questions because I am afraid I will be judged as too nosy. Which in turns makes me fear people will think I am self absorbed if I talk about my problems and don't ask many questions. So again I get paralyzed into silence.
The irony is that I did eventually make a friendship where I was not paralyzed by fear, but it ended because I occasionally talked about my struggles with depression because they led me to believe it was okay to lean on them.
So one of my fears came true and I am terrified. I don't know how to act around others. Is it okay to open up to people or is it better to keep quiet and just keep it in a support group/therapy type setting even if the friend tells me it is okay to open up??
I want to reconnect with my friends on DS. I want to make friends, be a better friend, and support others. But I am scared.
Replies
HELLO, THEOTHER DAY I TRIED TO REACH YOU BUT IT GAVE ME THE DELETE ACCOUNT..READING THIS MAKE ME REMEMBER ME, ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY AND BEING MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED ,SUICIDAL, ITS TAKEN ME YEARS TO FIND MYSELF, AND YES IT DID CAME TRUE..NO ,ITS NOT EASY, IT TAKES TIME AND FAITH AND AN OPEN HEART AND MIND, WE HAVE TO AKNOWLEDGE OUR WEAKNESS TO BECAME STRONG, AND OVERCOME OUR FEARS..FRIENDS WANT TO KNOW ONLY HOW TO ENJOY THEMSELVES THEY DON\'T CARE ABOUT OUR DISABILITIES, NOBODY REALLY CARES, AT THE END OF THE ROAD WE ARE ALONE, FRIENDS ARE AFRAID OF OUR TROUBLES,IF YOU ARE THER FOR THEM WHEN THEY NEED YOU THEN THAT IS WONDERFUL BUT WHEN YOU NEED THEM, THEY DISAPPEAR..
DON\'T LOSE HOPE, YOU CAN OVERCOME, WE ALL HAVE THE INNER STRENGTH THAT WILL GET US THROUGH.
YOUR FATHER PASSING, IT TAKES TIME TO GRIEVE ,AND TO LET GO, IT IS NATURAL FOR ALL LIVING THINGS TO DIE, IT TOOK TIME FOR ME AT THE TIME TO MOURN AND GRIEVE MY MOM PASSING BUT IN TIME THE SORROW AND PAIN LEFT, AND LIFE GOES ON, GIVE YOURSELF TIME AND THEN LET GO, AND LIVE YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE IT BELONGS TO YOU.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT FRIENDS AND TALKING, BEING MUCH OLDER THEN YOU I CAN TELL YOU ,THAT FAMILY AND FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN, ME NOBODY HELPED ME, ACTUALLY THEY ALL EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ME, I CAN SAY THAT I DON\'T HAVE A TRUE ONE ONE THAT I WOULD TRUST, I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED ALL MY LIFE, NOW I LIVE BY FAITH I BELIEVE THAT \'THE LORD\' HEARS ME ,I FIND THAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL BETRAY YOU SOON OR LATER, SO I KEEP ONLY TO SUPERFICIAL THINGS, I WILL NEVER TRUST AGAIN, YES IT IS SAD BUT THIS IS THE WAY I FEEL IS BEST FOR ME TO WARD OFF DISAPPOINTMENTS AND PAIN, EMOTIONAL STRESS.
HERE WE CAN SHARE IN GROUPS WITH INVISIBLE FRIENDS THAT HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION AND GET A HONEST RESPONSE AND SUPPORT, SO GET TO THE GROUPS THAT CAN HELP YOU..
LOCALLY FIND IF THERE IS A SELF HELP GROUP, PEOPLE ARE SO ALONE AND LOST, IT IS SO SAD TO SEE, BUT ITS SO DIFFICULT TO START A GROUP, BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP DISAGREEING..
MAKE FRIENDS BUT DON\'T SHARE YOUR FEELINGS, PEOPLE GET SCARED, I HAVE HELPED SOME, BECAUSE I KNEW HOW THEY FELT, HAVE KNOWN MANY STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, DRUGS, AND SO ON, SOME NEVER RECOVER ,SOME DIED, AND THE ROOT CAUSE IS LONELINESS, SADNESS, UNCARING FAMILIES, AS YOU SAY DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, SO HOW CAN YOU EXPECT SOMEONE THAT HAD EVERYTHING TO UNDERSTAND, YES KEEP TO THE GROUPS, THAT DOESN\'T MEAN THAT SOME DAY YOU COULD MEET SOMEONE THAT REALLY CARES FOR YOU AND MEET YOUR NEEDS, I HAVE SEEN MANY HERE THAT HAVE WONDERFUL AND CARING PARTNERS..
DON\'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN, YOU ARE NEEDED SOMEHWERE, HAVE YOU TOUGHT OF HELPING AT A LOCAL RESCUE, ANIMALS ARE PRECIOUS ANDLOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY. MY RESCUED DOGS SAVED ME AND HELPED ME TO LIVE AND GET STRONGER, IF I CAN HELP I AM HERE, MY FRIEND CHRIS ALWAYS TELL ME \'\'THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE\'\', LOVING HUGS AND TOUGHTS ,LUCY***
Here is a little advice;
Say what is on your mind. If people have problems with what you have to say, that\'s THEIR problem. NOT YOURS. You need to quit worrying what other people think. You will find true friends this way. I know it\'s hard. My husband is much like you. He constantly worries about the impression he leaves with others.
My attitude: they\'re going to talk, might as well give them something to talk about.
I am one of those rare people who listens, stays quiet, well sometimes, and actually keeps it between you, me, and God.
I know it\'s hard. But it is well worth the effort.