Affirmation for April 30, 2010: Forgiveness
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.- Oscar WildeThought of the day:Why is it so hard to forgive one's friends, one's family, one's enemies, and even one's self? Why does the pain of the wrong linger for such a long time, leaving this stamp of bitterness on an otherwise happy life?Letting go of the pain, the anger, and the hurt is a necessary step if we want to transcend negativity in our lives and stay happy. Forgiveness is a kind of meditation that is put to practice: feel the calm overtake the emotion. You may be surprised at the good it brings to your life in the long run.Have a peaceful day!TeamDS
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Replies
Forgiveness is fredom......
Forgiveness give peace.
I really don\'t know that this is an appropriate affirmation for sexual abuse and incest survivors. There is a lot of new research on healing from torture and abuse, and it doesn\'t support the efficacy of forgiveness. In egregious cases, forgiveness is earned, not granted.
Oscar Wilde had it right, it works for me and my husband ( more him). I do agree with spoodlemom tho!
I am a very forgiving person, yet I cannot forgive my ex-husband for not fighting for our marriage and get marriage coucelling. I left because he would not change nor would he get help to change; therefore, there was nothing else that could do. He found another woman instead. I feel that he has made a mockery of 20 years of my life because one of my dreams was to be married and have a family of my own. I gave my marriage everything that I had and got betrayed in the end. Forgive...Not sure if I can.
I liked a quote I saw a few days ago. The foolish person neither forgives nor forgets, the naive person forgives and forgets- the wise man forgives, but doesn\'t forget. Which I think means that holding on to bitterness hurts us- let\'s face it the people who have done all the horrible things that bring us to this website probably don\'t have a thought for us- we\'re the ones dwelling on what has happened. On the other hand, forgetting what has happened is something we should never do- so forgiveness (for your own benefit) doesn\'t stop you pursuing justice, where possible. And, let\'s face it, letting go of bitterness is a really hard thing to do- something I aspire to, not something I\'ve achieved.
How do you learn or let yourself forgive when you have been hurt to the core of your very soul? I wish I could. Somehow dont you need to be able to confront at least the people who have done so much harm? when that isnt possible then what do you do? I wish it was as easy as just doing it. But i keep going back to that hurt place and cant seem to get to the forgiveness yet. Help
Our daughter was sexually assaulted, and felt (and still feels) unable to go through a court process- so we are in that position of not being able to do anything- the parents know that she has disclosed, but we are unable to vent our spleen for legal reasons- we don\'t want anyone to know how much we know- and no, I haven\'t forgiven anyone- still often feel so much anger towards the perpetrators. But as time goes on, I am realising that the anger isn\'t hurting them- it\'s hurting me, and through me, my daughter- when I am on an even keel, in general, so is she. For me, I have discovered meditation and mindfulness practice- and I concentrate on healing my daughter and my family . I admit to the occasional fantasy involving weapons and pain- but in general, I am trying very hard to just ignore their existence. The hard thing is that there is no recipe for this- we each have to find our own way. My heart is with you all. Good days and bad days, and life goes on....
So maybe forgiveness is the wrong word, really- I can never forgive (especially where forgiveness hasn\'t been asked for!) but I can somehow deal with my anger. so it doesn\'t destroy me- which is what Oscar meant, really- in not letting them destroy me, I win and they lose.
Forgiveness is so hard to do, although I am working on it. I have been told \"it is easier to forgive, then hold onto a resentment\". I\'m afraid that if I forgive, then it opens me up to be vulnerable. Right now in my life I need to be strong. Being vulnerable is just to scary for me. I can\'t trust the proccess yet.