Affirmation for April 14, 2011: Apologizing
An apology is a good way to have the last word.- Author UnknownThought of the day:The hardest thing to do sometimes is to not only admit that we're wrong to the other person, but admit that we're wrong to ourselves. The anger of the conflict never exits quite as gracefully as we would like, and we find outselves holding onto our emotions in the end, if not the convictions we began with.If you find yourself realizing something new about your point of view, but you can't seem to get rid of the lingering anger that had built up with a loved one, remind yourself that in the end, the relationship is worth more than pride. Both sides must strive to be on the same side, and eliminate the divide that is causing the rift.Have a peaceful day!TeamDS
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Replies
Today I said \"I\'m sorry\" more than I may have in in the last year total. I do believe that a sincere apology, particularly for unintended consequences, is one of the best ways to bring transparency and equanimity to a challenging situation or troubled relationship. But today, I apologized for being sick, for not shouldering the burden of my RA \"enough\" to make my partner\'s resentment of my condition bearable and I feel worse for it, not better. Amidst all the physical pain that this this condition confers, why is the emotional burden even that much greater? I thought I could bring us better comfort for acknowledging my part in this resentment, but I am afraid that once I cracked that window open, he took the opportunity to blow the doors off the hinges. I know I have been buried by this experience, and I apologize for that.
I know that I have removed myself from many of the connections that bring us closer, and I apologize for that too. But I am doing the very best that I can. The best that I can - to cope, to manage, to continue, to be the person that I was before this crazy thing hit me. But I am not that person anymore. I am me, today. I am me, with RA. And I am sorry for that. And I apologize for not saying that earlier, for not bringing that guilt and grief and sorrow to light earlier. For not owning my fear and my pain before it overtook us. I am sorry. But I also know that I am a survivor. I am strong, and I will continue to fight and cope and manage and LIVE! And I can do that whether or not you understand my \"condition\" or can relate what I am experiencing. I hope really that you won\'t be able to, because I would never wish this kind of pain onto anyone, let alone my closest friend and love. May you never know what this is, really. And I apologize...