AF is here...

Well, I can't say I'm surprised by this.  I'm one of those people who are insanely in tune with their body and I knew it was coming 5 days prior so I can say that I was prepared BUT I did still have that little tinge of hope since some people say they could of swore AF was coming. I feel sad, angry but somewhat relieved. I guess relieved that now I know and am not waiting. I feel like I cried and threw my tantrum all week leading up to AF that when AF finally came, I just kinda felt blah.  Of course I have all these thoughts in my head like maybe I shouldn't have done this or that but I know in the end, that really doesn't matter now. I spoke to my husband and we both decided that we need to take a month off of this TTC, it's so emotionally draining for both of us, but I think for him because he hates seeing me so distraught. Do ya'll think that's the right decision? I have this little voice in my head that tells me just do round 3 of Chlomid and IUI and get it over with, but I don't know if I have it in me. I was thinking of setting an appt with my doc and seeing if maybe we can add something to the mix to make me have better chances the third time around. I think I will still do my OPK and try naturally on my month off that way we can just have fun with it and it doesn't seem like an experiment.
I'm really trying to stay strong here. There are so many wonderful and great things in my life.  I've always been a driven person and I have never failed at anything in my life. I worked hard to get what I want, but the fact is I always got what I wanted. And now this, no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to make it happen. I think that's the hardest thing for me to come to terms with.

Replies

Jat092311
Jat092311

I\'m so sorry!! Sometimes you just need a little bit of a break from the regiment that goes with IUI/fertility treatments. It doesn\'t mean that you won\'t try - it just means that hopefully the stress of appointments, the medicine, etc. might help and you can relax a little bit more this month.

I\'m just like you about trying to stay strong and being a driven person. Like I\'m sure you are, I\'m a perfectionist and like to be successful at everything. I\'m also probably what you call controlling, but not in a psycho sort of way, just like I want to be able to control outcomes and be in the know on everything. That is where I\'ve struggled with IF, b/c you can\'t control anything!! Just try to relax (easier said than done!). Have you tried/thought of trying injectibles (i.e., follistim)? I did that with my 3rd IUI and responded great to it. More follicles and chances (but also greater chance of multiples if you respond well).

Good luck!
CaliCutie81
CaliCutie81

I\'m so sorry hun, this sucks and its so not fair. I hope you know its not your fault though and you def have NOT failed! You are a wonderful woman and one day you will get your miracle, one way or another!
As for taking a month off, do what feels right and trust your instincts. I\'ve had this month off because of the cysts and I really do feel like I am back to a more normal version of myself. I still have that hope that maybe it will just happen on its own somehow but I don\'t feel as overwhelmed because I\'m not making appointments or taking pills or giving myself a shot and I don\'t have someone telling me when to do it. I am still worried that I am going to miss my window, but when you don\'t ovulate you really don\'t have a window! haha
My suggestion, if you decide to take the month off make sure you have plenty of distractions planned. I had company in town, going away parties, helping a friend move next weekend, small projects at home etc etc. That has really helped!
((HUGS))
ktk7779413
ktk7779413

I\'m so sorry! This is not something you are failing at. It\'s just the hand we are dealt. It sucks and there\'s no doubt about that. Taking a break has always been good for me. Also - you may want to ask your doctor about getting a laparoscopy at some point. It is prob too early for that but by the time I found out I had endometriosis, i had already been on clomid for several cycles and had 3 failed IUI\'s. The IUI\'s don\'t usually work with severe endo and I didn\'t know I had it until I did my lap. I had no symptoms other than infertility. I wish I knew sooner. Hang in there!!
dallyjoe
dallyjoe

I\'m so sad for you! That sucks! My thoughts are that when you feel you are at the breaking point, take a break. It really helps to clear your head. I was feeling that way in January. It reminded me of that line from Lord of the Rings when Bilbo says \'I feel like too little butter scraped over too much bread.\' Like I\'m just stretched so thin and tight that one more blow will rip right through me. We did the HSG, just to get it done, and then decided to take a few months off...just see what happened. Of course nothing did, but I felt so much more ready to handle the stress again. There is always that nagging thought that you\'re wasting precious time, but honestly, you have to take care of yourself or this battle can and will destroy you.
Treat yourself kindly and give yourself time. *hugs*
krjohnson1980
krjohnson1980

Thank you everyone for making me feel like I\'m not alone. You have no idea how much your comments have gotten me through this week. :)