Advocation
Looks like DS was being glitchy with the comments added to my last entry. It gave me a good giggle. I did end up going to the ER and checked myself into the hospital for a short stay. I'm am home today. It was enough time to break the cycle and I'm pretty sure we caught it before it got too out of control. I did end up on the unit with my friend. It didn't go as bad as I thought it would...for the most part...except for one day (yesterday) were she had enough and decided to leave against medical advice. They had security and everything around she was so angry and in a rage...but because they knew we were friends from before I asked if I could see her...and was able to at least talk to her for a little bit. She still ended up deciding to leave against advice and she knows how much it upset me....but she at least kept in contact with me after she left via text message and seemed much more calmed down...and has been in contact today as well. So I know that while yes, she is having a hard time, at least she "okay".
Didn't have much luck with the getting the sleep on track. They tried...even reluctantely. But I more or less expected it. At least I did sleep in a little today and the nurse actually had to wake me to give me my morning meds. I was able to talk to the psych team about a lot of my concerns, even some steaming back over a year ago...something I never would've been able to do before. When they first started seeing me years ago I'd spend the whole session curled up under a blanket, eyes on the floor, silent for ages before I'd ever even say a word. I've come a long way...I know it...they know it...they made sure to point it out time and time again. Still...that said...it still feels like crap in the moment.
Also, the psychiatrist said something during the meeting that I disagreed with and he ended up agreeing with me. It goes back to the whole Borderline Personality thing. He's like....you know you have Borderline Personality Disorder right...I'm like no...I have major depressive disorder along with Borderline traits. I said I've talked to numerous professionals and they all agree on that matter. The only time I ever fit the criteria for BPD is when I'm going through a depressed episode...that's it.
Actually, a lot of interesting good things came from this admission...some of them definitely God things. I really feel this admission was meant to be for many reasons and that things are going to be changing...for the better...but there will be difficulty. And bit by bit I'm learning how to deal with these challenges and gaining positive connections in the outside world that can probably really benefit me...and others.
Anyway...I'm really tired right now...kinda aggitated (usually am by mid afternoon) and usually find my first day back home to be a challenge so I'm going to go curl up with my pillows and blanket in the living room and just relax. I don't normally nap anymore....but I might just let myself this time...or snack on some mini eggs and ginger ale. Whatever I do it's just going to be light and low key....and gentle.
Didn't have much luck with the getting the sleep on track. They tried...even reluctantely. But I more or less expected it. At least I did sleep in a little today and the nurse actually had to wake me to give me my morning meds. I was able to talk to the psych team about a lot of my concerns, even some steaming back over a year ago...something I never would've been able to do before. When they first started seeing me years ago I'd spend the whole session curled up under a blanket, eyes on the floor, silent for ages before I'd ever even say a word. I've come a long way...I know it...they know it...they made sure to point it out time and time again. Still...that said...it still feels like crap in the moment.
Also, the psychiatrist said something during the meeting that I disagreed with and he ended up agreeing with me. It goes back to the whole Borderline Personality thing. He's like....you know you have Borderline Personality Disorder right...I'm like no...I have major depressive disorder along with Borderline traits. I said I've talked to numerous professionals and they all agree on that matter. The only time I ever fit the criteria for BPD is when I'm going through a depressed episode...that's it.
Actually, a lot of interesting good things came from this admission...some of them definitely God things. I really feel this admission was meant to be for many reasons and that things are going to be changing...for the better...but there will be difficulty. And bit by bit I'm learning how to deal with these challenges and gaining positive connections in the outside world that can probably really benefit me...and others.
Anyway...I'm really tired right now...kinda aggitated (usually am by mid afternoon) and usually find my first day back home to be a challenge so I'm going to go curl up with my pillows and blanket in the living room and just relax. I don't normally nap anymore....but I might just let myself this time...or snack on some mini eggs and ginger ale. Whatever I do it's just going to be light and low key....and gentle.
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