Advise needed

I go to therapy every Wednesday and after therapy I come home and journal what we discusses and I also process what went on and add to and make noted for our next session. After my session I had a huge break through. During the session we discuss my feeling of abandonment and mistrust as a child and exactly how I felt. Basically I was unloved and unwanted and I wanted attention and I want to feel something and I sought it out any way I could an resorted to some pretty low and degrading things just to feel something. I learned at a very young age that an easy and fast way to get attention from men was sex and I used it. **The first time I was sexually assaulted by a man was when I was 11 than I was I was raped... so on top of all my other fucked up feeling from my childhood I was going numb and sex was nothing special to me. I used it as a tool. So My self-destructed behavior started when I was 12. But all my feelings of being alone, lots, not fitting in, feeling fat and ugly, like I was less than every one else, lost trust in myself all start when I was 9. These carried into all my relationships when I was a teenager then I lived with my 3 boyfriends who where are at least 10 years or old then. The were mean, angry, controlling, abusive, and toxic people and one even tried to kill me. I had 2 best friend that stole my boyfriends from me. But now looking back I am happy for it. But I have distrust in myself, distrust in men, and distrust in women. I have been battling demons within me for me for years. One day I meet Troy who was my first husband. When Troy came along I was so lost and he pick me up and he loved me and showed me what it was to be loved. He made me feel safe for the first time in my life. He gave me so much love and attention that I could not and did not need anything else from anyone else. He saved me. We was married for 8 years, the first part of our marriage was good but the 2nd half was pretty rocky. The 2nd half was after he had served a tour in Iraq and he was there in 2003 and that was one of the worst times to be there. They was no rules of engagement, they were running out of food and water, they would go days without sleep, and they could be out on a mission for days. I could go weeks without hearing from him. My cell phone never left my side. If I missed a call the next one may not come for another 2-3 weeks. After he came home he was different but functional. But he got injured   over there and he got medically discharged and he did not what to get out of the Army. He had a real hard time adjusting to the civilian life. Things starting to get a little rocking for us. Eventually he started using drugs again and I left him and that is when things got really bad. He get abusive and manipulative and this continued for about a year. Other things happened in that time but I do not what to get into those now because they are really emotional. But the police were probably as outhouse about once a week for domestic disturbance and domestic violence and suicide attempts from him and EPO violations. But all this was the last year of our marriage. Troy left Kentucky to go back home to Hawaii in July 2008 and I have not seen him since than. We were still married and it took him 9 months for him to sign the divorce papers. I hates Troy for everything that he put me through the last year of our marriage and I held so much resentment for him for the longest time.
After my therapy session I realized the 1st half of our marriage was not that bad and the 2nd half of our marriage was bad because Troy was broken, Iraq had broken him and he was sick. I realized that Troy is my one true love and if he never went to Iraq I know we would still be married with kids and happy together. I know this man loved me with every fiber in his being and he still loves and he will love me until the day he dies just like I love him and I always will. But he is broken and I know I can never be with him.
This does leaves me in an undesirable position. I am in love with another man I can never be with and I will always long for him. This changed my relationship with my husband because I always though he was my one love. But I will never be completely satisfied with my husband and if we don't work out I will never be completely satisfied with any other man. So I do I deal with this? I will definitely talk about this with my therapist.