Advice please
I am looking for advice, I recently got re married, my daughter is 8 and she fights with my husband. My daughter is spoiled and I will be the first to admit it. She was the first born and I tried for 11 years before having her. my daughter whines a lot and she is used to getting what she wants, it being just us for a while (plus my 3 boys). My problem is my husband and her fight, its terrible as soon as she talks or whines he is all over her... then she cries and screams and it gets worse... she has eve told him to shut up already. He just goes on and on and I cant take it any more. We are not even speaking tonight and he said he is going to leave because he cant take her anymore and me not doing anything about it. WHat should I do, what role should he take in being a step parent, he wants to help me with the kids but i do not agree with a lot of things he says really and the way he goes about it, then when I tell him to quit yelling i get blasted and he sulks and mopes around... HELP
Replies
Hi Shannon,
I am sorry you are having such a hard situation. I understand both your and your H\'s perspectives. Before ANY effective parenting can go on and a good relationship can be created between your daughter and H the two of you need to be on the same page about parenting. YOU guys need to have a long, in depth conversation about how everything is going to be handled, and has it all out. Make a list of the things you want to start to work on with your daughter to make it harmonious around the house, and the things the two of you agree to let go of for now, what the household rules and consequences are going to be, how the two of you will handle \"new\" situations as they come up, such as your daughter pushing a new button or how new rules will be established (like she asks you for something new w/o your husband around-will you tell her you need to think about it and address it w/your husband, will he do the same? How to handle the talking back (I agree-yelling at her is UNACCEPTABLE-you guys need to agree to a game plan of what he can do other than yell) if she\'s disrespectful. You can\'t just let the chips fall where they may and expect everything to fall into place-it doesn\'t work that way when you have 3 different people with alot of feelings and different perspectives. Her development is the # one most important thing-but she\'s just a kid, you\'ll have to take the lead on what is best for her, but also make her feel safe, like her feelings and opinions are taken into account. And although YOU are her mom, and ultimately responsible for her but your husband\'s needs and opinions need to be accounted for too. He\'s not an outsider, he doesn\'t want to feel like one. Get on the same page, comprise on how things are to be handled, and present a united front. I hope that helps.
Thank you,