Advice

Hi. I am new to this. I have tried counseling in the past and it worked for me somewhat, but now I am just too busy to be able to attend that at this moment so I decided I would look into things and I found this. I am having a very hard time with just accepting life at this moment. I am 21 years old and I have a beautiful one year old baby girl who is the absolute light of my life. I ended up getting pregnant at 19, not planned, and pretty much being forced to get married by my husbands parents when I was 5 months pregnant. I had my daughter in September of 2018. Her and I both almost died during the delivery, and as my first child, it was extremely scary. My husband decided to keep  leaving her and I in the hospital for the two days we were there, to go out and smoke weed. I was with him for 5 years, and then a day after our first wedding anniversary in May, I decided to leave him to try and better myself and take care of my daughter. We are working things out with our daughter through ourselves and so far things are going well. Better than I expected. But he keeps asking to get back together and I do not think that is something that I want right now. I also started dating a coworker ( which I have always gone against and said I would never date a coworker) about a month after my husband and I seperated. Then I decided to end things with the boyfriend as well. At this point I am just completely confused about everything and I feel as if I do not have feelings except extreme sadness or extreme happiness at this point. There is no in between. I feel as if I am hurting everyone around me and that is not what I intend to do at all. I am trying to take time for my daughter and myself, but both of them are pushing for me to get back together with them and I do not want to keep saying no and hurt them. Obviously I am not going to get back together with both of them, or even one right at this moment. I don't feel like I even have feelings for either one of them at the moment. I just miss being with SOMEONE. I have horrible nightmares at night due to being sexually assaulted more than once in my life. I miss having someone to help me through those at night. I miss just having someone next to me at night. I cannot afford anything and hardly see my daughter and do not want to get a second job because it is going to interfere with me seeing her. I am living with my mother at the moment and she just is not supportive at all and does not understand anything where I am coming from. I cannot even speak to her as a human being. I am always being demeaned. At this point I feel as if I am failing everyone and am failing at everything. I just want to be the best mother I can be. That is my first priority. If anyone is going through anything even remotely similiar, I would love some advice, because right now my daughter is the only reason I have not just completely gone insane. Thank you all for your time.