Advice
Some time ago we decided to look into having a baby, we researched and was ready to try a sperm donor, we periods were regular and we found one willing to meet us to discuss donation. Then jane became unstable finally diagnosed with bipolar, while we were getting her stable and us back into a position financially and find another donor I hit the pre-menopause, my periods became unregular, while it would still be possible to get pregnant it would be more difficult. Janes arthritis then developed further and eventually was unable to work. I was desperate for a child, but had to come to terms with the fact we wouldnt, one financially and two with the menopause hitting me, jane can't conceive because of all the meds she is on for her bipolar and arthritis. We did apply at one point to private agency to foster but was turned down because of my depression and her bipolar. It was hard but I eventually accepted we wouldn't have kids in our life and got on with living our lives, we have now got 4 fur babies two dogs and two cats.
now jane has brought it all up again. July last year moved into a housing association one bedroom bungalow, they have just put our bathroom into a wet room to make it easier for jane, now she is talking again of fostering or adoption, she has made enquiries to the authorities while I was at work, and apparently her bipolar and arthritis won't be a problem ! She has even put us onto the mutual exchange system to swap to a 2 bedroom bungalow so we can apply for adoption !
Thing is ids her arthritis and bipolar will be a problem, she is talking of not having a baby but an older child who can get themselves up and dressed, thing is older children come with big emotional baggage which will be difficult to deal with for her...... And me to be honest. financially we are only just holding our own at present and a child comes with more expense while we will get benefits for the child it won't cover everything !
Like ken I said we only moved last July and to be honest I don't want to be moving again and the expense that involves.
I just can't seem to get jane to understand
I know she is desperate to be around kids and to have our own but like me she needs to come to terms with the fact it's not going to happen, every time she is talking about it it's dragging it all up for me
just don't know what to do
now jane has brought it all up again. July last year moved into a housing association one bedroom bungalow, they have just put our bathroom into a wet room to make it easier for jane, now she is talking again of fostering or adoption, she has made enquiries to the authorities while I was at work, and apparently her bipolar and arthritis won't be a problem ! She has even put us onto the mutual exchange system to swap to a 2 bedroom bungalow so we can apply for adoption !
Thing is ids her arthritis and bipolar will be a problem, she is talking of not having a baby but an older child who can get themselves up and dressed, thing is older children come with big emotional baggage which will be difficult to deal with for her...... And me to be honest. financially we are only just holding our own at present and a child comes with more expense while we will get benefits for the child it won't cover everything !
Like ken I said we only moved last July and to be honest I don't want to be moving again and the expense that involves.
I just can't seem to get jane to understand
I know she is desperate to be around kids and to have our own but like me she needs to come to terms with the fact it's not going to happen, every time she is talking about it it's dragging it all up for me
just don't know what to do
Replies
Sorry to hear you are going threw this. It\'s hard to face . .Hopefully , by now Jane has come to terms with it. Let me know how things have gone with the situation.