Adoption vs Trying for Pregnancy??
I am torn on what to do. Knowing Endo makes it harder to get preggo, I have always wanted to adopt because I am adopted and I think I can handle that challenge well. I do not plan on having kids until my husband and I are out of Germany (gotta enjoy it while we can!) but I have definatly started putting some thought into it since being diagnoised. I have done so much research on open and closed adoption (closed adoption is not an option anymore, unless the parents are deceased or in prison or something of that sort), and the fact of me being adopted gives me a wonderful prespective on it. BUT, my biggest fear is, what is I don't snap into 'mother mode' if we adopt? I do not want to feel like a babysitter!! I do have a stepson whom I get along with great, but he does not live with us nor does he see me as a mother figure since he HAS a biological mother who raises him. Hell I don't even KNOW how to treat him from a motherly presepctive!!! So, if the thought of adoption as my first child scares me, I can always try to get pregnant. Here's the problem with that...I have miscarried twins before, so A. twins run in my family, & that would be so hard! & B. I have that history of miscarrying, which was 5 years before I was diagnoised. PLUS, I like being skinny, and looking at the women in my biological family, I will blow up like a baloon! The good thing about gettin pregnant is I would devlop that maternal instinct and it would be easier to 'know' what I was doing. Any advise? I feel like I am one of very few leaning toward adoption, considering I hear about the expensive treatments women go through nowadays to get pregnant! (Oh yeah, and the plus side of being preggo? It is supposed to give you a break from Endo...says the doc)
Replies
I hear you. I love to read your post about wanting to adopt because you were adopted. It\'s very touching.
Still, don\'t feel guilted into doing it because you want to help raise an adopted child too. You will know what is right for yourself. ;-)
Twins are pretty uncommon even in families with a high twin rate - plus that would be SOOOOO cool. So, the question becomes: why do you fear not having a maternal instinct with an adopted child? Do you feel like you missed out (or could have missed out) on the unconditional love of a parent?
Is there something else you feel you missed out on? Or maybe - it\'s just that you think pretty darn great things about yourself (I think highly of myself) and I\'d love to see a carbon copy of myself running around.
I too have thought about adoption vs. IVF. We are approaching it at different angles because I cannot understand what it was to be adopted...still I hope you come to a good point in making a decision.
I have faith in you.
:-)
hugs and it sounds like you are not quite ready yet per your post so by the time both you and your husband are ready I am sure you will have had plenty of time to decide your options and figure out truly what you want, there is no harm in applying for adoption while ttc or ttc for a few months then approach the adoption option. as for blowing up like a balloon every woman gains weight when pregnant but does not mean they all lose it the same way, the more concious you are about it and the more you try to lose it the better you will succeed yes genetics do play a role in this but at the same time so do you. as for the mother feeling towards an adopted child I think that will solely depend on you if you get an infant the moment that child is called yours and placed in your arms and you name him/her I think all those worries will disapear. and the step sit I have been there honestly it is really hard for a person in a situation where both parents are still very active in the childs life I think you need to be a confadant and a friends let him know he can trust you yet at the same time make it aware if there is something that needs to be dealt with you will address it to his parents. It is very tough being a step especially to an older child but all you can do is be a friend and make the best of it. I hope all works out and when the time feels right you will in your heart know what you will want to do. I have endo and am struggling with ttc right now and I can tell you the continual disapointment is tough and sometimes very hard to cope with, adoption might be the only answer for me and if it is I will embrace it with open arms but I am going to try myself first before I feel completely defeated byt the endo. keep your head up
I found out I had Endo 3 years ago, we\'ve been trying to get pregnant and have a baby for almost 5 years now....15 miscarriages later still no success. We are currently doing foster care and have had twins (a boy and a girl) since they were 3 days old straight from the hospital. They will be 2 years old in August. We recently took their 5 year old sister in and are in the process of adopting all 3 kids. I can tell you that if you want to be a mom, adoption through foster care is kinda hard because there are a lot of ups and downs and it\'s never a 100% sure that you will get to adopt them because their mom could get them back or a relative. However, it\'s very rewarding and wonderful seeing the kids smile and feel loved. I wouldn\'t trade it for anything, it is difficult somedays, but let me tell you these are our 3 kids, I love them like they are our own kids and they love us like we are their parents. It isn\'t hard at all to fall in love with a baby or a child. I would say that it\'s easier with a newborn or a younger baby because they bond to you more easily because they don\'t know their birth mother, but even the 5 year old is starting to call me mom and we\'ve only had her since feb 2012. I just think that it\'s amazing that your thinking about both ways, but adoption is pretty great, you want to be a parent and there are tons of kids that need a parent to love them and adopt them and become their mother. Either way I think you will be a great mom.