addictive...........

i posted this morning that i was gonna do the nail thing.....i got to school and i did it a bunch of time....i counted and it  was 21 times.....i can still see the marks.....the thing is...i want to cut...sooo much easier and a better released and stuff.....butwhen i was doing the nail thing....it was so addictive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like once i did it i couldn't stop...i kept doing it over and over and over.....i mean i felt like cutting because i know that evntually i'll get that release.....this nail thing hurts, and i want that pain....and i wonder if it would really be so bad to cut since i already broke the not self injuring thing.....over a year since i cut though...i dunno...