Added Stressors
Just when I thought things were at boiling point....we have just been served up another teaspoon of stress!!
So, let me just summarise the goings on in our lives at the moment....
1. Infertility....Yes we all know it blows!
2. I am 40 hours away from an egg collection that was supposed to happen at the beginning of this week....the meds didn't work and I thought we were going to have to cancel the whole cycle because.....
3. We are going to Malaysia on Thursday (now transfer day!) I know, not very well planned but we honestly didn't anticipate going through IVF when we booked this trip nigh on 6 months ago...because we were only thinking about it being the end of my Husband's final medical exams....
4.So my husband is sitting his final penultimate medical exams on Thursday...which is also transfer day....he is bummed that he can't be with me for it but I am totally fine about it.
5. I have been really unhappy about some aspects of my job recently (ok for a long time) and finally a training position came up for another modality which is super exciting. A year ago, I had contacted the guy in charge of training up people in this specialty and said I was interested....I also explicitly told him that we were trying to start a family....anyway, about a month ago, a vacancy came up...I applied not really thinking too much abut it until.....
6. I received an email today saying that I have an interview for the training position on Monday!!! This gives me no time to prep as I am having egg retrieval on Saturday....and will be completely doped on meds
I don't know why I am worried....the VERY cynical part of me is quietly saying that the only reason he is giving me an interview is because I am a pretty good candidate, but with the knowledge that I will potentially be off on maternity leave sooner rather than later and that they need me to actually say that in the interview process for them to not give me the job. (it is all very politically correct in this country and if anyone was to find out that I was overlooked for a job because there is an increased chance I would be getting pregnant soon then heads would roll) Does that make sense?? The fact that 3 days after the interview, I will effectively be impregnated and that there is a 40% chance of that actually sticking makes me question whether it is ethically ok for me to even be applying for such a job.
However, saying all that...if this cycle doesn't work, we will have to wait a few months until we are able to afford another cycle...and then a few more months until we can try again...before you know it, a year is gone and I would be halfway through the training program! Add to this, if I wasn't having issues with IF, then I wouldn't be having this moral dilemma as I would not even be considering these factors....all comments, thoughts, advice greatly appreciated!!!
At the moment, I am just trying to breathe my way through it!!!
So, let me just summarise the goings on in our lives at the moment....
1. Infertility....Yes we all know it blows!
2. I am 40 hours away from an egg collection that was supposed to happen at the beginning of this week....the meds didn't work and I thought we were going to have to cancel the whole cycle because.....
3. We are going to Malaysia on Thursday (now transfer day!) I know, not very well planned but we honestly didn't anticipate going through IVF when we booked this trip nigh on 6 months ago...because we were only thinking about it being the end of my Husband's final medical exams....
4.So my husband is sitting his final penultimate medical exams on Thursday...which is also transfer day....he is bummed that he can't be with me for it but I am totally fine about it.
5. I have been really unhappy about some aspects of my job recently (ok for a long time) and finally a training position came up for another modality which is super exciting. A year ago, I had contacted the guy in charge of training up people in this specialty and said I was interested....I also explicitly told him that we were trying to start a family....anyway, about a month ago, a vacancy came up...I applied not really thinking too much abut it until.....
6. I received an email today saying that I have an interview for the training position on Monday!!! This gives me no time to prep as I am having egg retrieval on Saturday....and will be completely doped on meds
I don't know why I am worried....the VERY cynical part of me is quietly saying that the only reason he is giving me an interview is because I am a pretty good candidate, but with the knowledge that I will potentially be off on maternity leave sooner rather than later and that they need me to actually say that in the interview process for them to not give me the job. (it is all very politically correct in this country and if anyone was to find out that I was overlooked for a job because there is an increased chance I would be getting pregnant soon then heads would roll) Does that make sense?? The fact that 3 days after the interview, I will effectively be impregnated and that there is a 40% chance of that actually sticking makes me question whether it is ethically ok for me to even be applying for such a job.
However, saying all that...if this cycle doesn't work, we will have to wait a few months until we are able to afford another cycle...and then a few more months until we can try again...before you know it, a year is gone and I would be halfway through the training program! Add to this, if I wasn't having issues with IF, then I wouldn't be having this moral dilemma as I would not even be considering these factors....all comments, thoughts, advice greatly appreciated!!!
At the moment, I am just trying to breathe my way through it!!!
Replies
Well you sure do have your hands full! There were days when I really wished that the rest of life would just STOP so I could make it through a cycle with some shred of sanity, so I can relate.
Earlier this year, I was in the same position you\'re in now -- wondering if it was \"right\" for me to apply for a new job and wondering if I should disclose my family plans should I get an interview. I ended up deciding not to because we got pregnant on our first transfer and my employer -- which is under new management -- has been extremely accommodating and understanding about my situation and impending bed rest, and I don\'t want to chance not having that by finding another job.
However, that\'s not to say you should do the same. We put so much of our lives on hold for IF and IVF, and while I think that\'s warranted in some instances, I think that there HAS to be a line we draw. I think the question you have to ask is if the job is right for your family. Will it put you in a better frame of mind? Will it advance your skills and career -- which will be around regardless of what happens with this transfer (praying for a BFP!)? If so, I think you should apply. Whether you say something or not -- that\'s up to you. If you DO say something, perhaps approach it from how you and the company can work together so that things are smooth and seamless for everyone involved. That way, you\'re seen as more of a team player, which could also help land you the job.
I know this wasn\'t terribly helpful, but I hope it got some wheels moving about how best to handle this. Good luck with everything, friend! I\'ll be praying for you and your hubby!
The best advice I ever got was not to put my life on hold because of TTC. Yes, we all pray that next procedure will result in a positive. We ask ourselves how it will affect our lives if it does. In the support of that hope, I think we tend to try to take actions/make decisions based on that hope of a positive. But the reality is, for us IFers anyway, that all too often puts us in the position of putting our lives on hold. Because the negatives happen. And then where are we? Frustrated because we missed an opportunity it turns out we should have taken, upset because life just keeps screwing with us.
The reality is...we only end up hurting ourselves by making decisions based on \'what if\'s\'. The reality is that even if you get this job AND a positive, it will all work out. Move forward with life, without basing decisions on IF treatments. It\'s the best way to get through this hell with the least regrets.
Thanks ladies for your advice. I have decided just to go ahead with the interview. I cannot put my life on hold and miss out on opportunities like this simply because of IF. There is no saying how long this process could take...it may be a matter of days until I am officially and safely pregnant....or it could be years. Anyway, I am packing it (not sure if you have that expression in the states...but it means shit scared...wait...not sure you have that one either....means terrified) of my egg retrieval which is taking place tomorrow....ugh wish me luck!