Accepting Reality

Well, after sleeping in seperate rooms for months and being called every foul name in the book, I am finally seeing a lawyer tomorrow.  My husband says he doesn't want a divorce but his actions tell me otherwise.  He wakes me in the middle of the night just to accuse me of cheating or to berate and harass me.  He goes through my personal belongings, reads my diary, talks horribly about me to his friends, right in front of me.  I am done.  I can't be miserable anymore. I can't live with these panic attacks.  I cannot just work and hide in my room (which has essentially turned into a prison cell) any longer.  This is just a short list of things I've tolerated for far too long.  How can anyone claim to love someone and behave this way.