Acceptance or Survival
At a grief support meeting I attended, the term acceptance was referred to as the last of the healing stages of grief. The brass ring we are all supposed to be reaching for I presume. I don't think I'll be grasping that coveted prize. I will never accept that this life as it has become is OK. Losing my Love is not acceptable. Losing my best friend, the one who I loved spending my time with, is not acceptable. My son losing the loving touch of his sweet mother is not acceptable. Her smile, her voice, her touch, her laughter only available in memories, not acceptable. The dagger in my heart every day that I try so desperately to conceal from those who can never understand is not acceptable. Life is now a quest for survival. A fleeting hope that the pain will subside enough to justify some optimism about the future. As I finished a long run this morning, and looked over the skyline of Lake Michigan, I wondered what it would be like for the soul to just fly over the water, no more pain, and return to her, and so many others that have left. So many still here to love. One special soul in particular. There can be no surrender. To the last ounce of strength I posses, I will survive, though I may never accept.
Replies
Robert,
Thank you for sharing this with us. I, too, will never reach for that brass ring. And like you, I will be content with those rare days when the pain \"will subside enough to justify some optimism about the future.\" I couldn\'t have said it better. As always, I wish you peace ...
I too Mathew, I don\'t think I will ever get there. Peace and blessings to you brother.
Robert that was so beautifully said, it applies to all of us I think - my days are so long and lonely, I can not ever imagine accepting life without my very darling Jack. never knew life could get so hard. I pray for you and Matthew because you are so young and I am sure have a long life ahead of you - keep grabbing for that brass ring. You are two special men. God be with you both - Agnes
Yes we are were robbed of our dreams. fantasies, love, security, best friends BUT we will continue to Fight the Beast of Grief with every once of strength we have as we do not want to succumb to it\'s painful grasp for eternity. We will one day win this war and be able to freely embrace life again only we will have to do it without the ones we so wanted to share it with, but we will carry with us the memories of that special love and never never forget.
Robert, you do have a way with words my friend :) Stay strong and Fight on
Laurie
Thank you for writing this. It touched my heart.
Robert, the acceptance is nothing so pretty as a brass ring. It hurts deeply. But it\'s also not a choice, we have to accept to have hands free to grasp life. Not just exist. You still have wonders to teach Matthew and he may just teach you some yet too. My heart and all the pieces of it. That acceptance is the largest wave with echoing waves for awhile in our missing of our \"split-apart\" halves. :( ..{ Butcher\'s wife 1991} ...But we still have a life to live and you even more so. Your son needs you as inspiration to grow for that you must also continue to grow.
Jewells
I know you are right Jewels. The word acceptance has been used so often by people who do not understand our suffering, that I sometimes resist and resent that final, real step, that we all must take. You and I, and all our friends here, know how high that mountain is. Thanks for helping me to see how important it is. Now... The hard part......
I hear that. Survival is where I am too. No more, no less.
The word is only the last on the list, the list is in no particular order on this one. Grief can be like Rocky balboa, just when you think you have it down on the canvas, it rears it\'s ugly head again. But we are all here going through it kinda, even those much farther out face rounds with that one.