Acceptance of possible longer time in prison
Now that my husband is out of intake and in his parent unit, his PE date is now showing to be November 3, 2017. That's 20 months from now. Under Arkansas law, someone who has been sentenced for rec/dist/viewing sexually explicit matter depicting a child, they must serve at least 3 years and no more than 10. The sentencing guidelines show that before being eligible for Parole/transfer, they must serve 1/3 of the total sentence. I now understand that given the political climate here in Arkansas, very few sex offender's make parole the first time around.
When the time comes and I can make a visit to my husband, I think I will just tell him to not go through the parole process the first time he comes up, because he'll more than likely get denied. I want to tell him that he should wait, serve a total of 40 months, then apply for parole. 1/3 of a ten year sentence is 3 years, 6 months. On the upside, he'll be able to complete his RSVP programming, possibly get a 2 year certification in some job skill that will help on the outside, and he can also try to get his teeth pulled, and set up for dentures. Plus, serving longer in his sentence will demonstrate to the powers that be that he's serious about paying his debt to society, full of remorse, etc. I just hope my thoughts don't upset him.
Yes, it would suck that we'd have to wait longer for him to get home, but, as a wise friend on this board told me, it may bode much better for my husband in the long run.
I must prepare my head and heart for this possibility, but I am still going to continue to pray and hope for the best.
When the time comes and I can make a visit to my husband, I think I will just tell him to not go through the parole process the first time he comes up, because he'll more than likely get denied. I want to tell him that he should wait, serve a total of 40 months, then apply for parole. 1/3 of a ten year sentence is 3 years, 6 months. On the upside, he'll be able to complete his RSVP programming, possibly get a 2 year certification in some job skill that will help on the outside, and he can also try to get his teeth pulled, and set up for dentures. Plus, serving longer in his sentence will demonstrate to the powers that be that he's serious about paying his debt to society, full of remorse, etc. I just hope my thoughts don't upset him.
Yes, it would suck that we'd have to wait longer for him to get home, but, as a wise friend on this board told me, it may bode much better for my husband in the long run.
I must prepare my head and heart for this possibility, but I am still going to continue to pray and hope for the best.
Replies
It\'s easy to say you are going to prepare for this , if it goes that way, not so easy to accept it. We always HOPE.. it\'s all we can do, or we would really be bonkers.
Not so easy for me to say it. For most of the last 2 years, I had been sitting in denial that he would even face prison time. My acceptance of this situation will, in my belief, ultimately bring me peace and resolution. I don\'t want to stay stuck in the mud of my own head. Otherwise, I will stay pretty much bonkers.
In my case, I knew my fiance would end up in prison,if not, he might drink and drive, die, or kill someone. So while I am not happy it happened, it pretty much needed to. He needed to be stopped while he was in that mode of drinking, self destructing and taking me with him in it. He almost really needed to be really miserable in there too. Something sometime has to hit him hard and get him to stop his stupid behavior brought on by the alcoholism and his mental health issues. He still won\'t talk about the mental health part.
We are miserable without them, but in my case, I expected it.Expecting it and accepting it, I guess are two different things. Or maybe not, in our case.
I was in denial my husband would go to prison too. We were told by the police, legs team and other organisations that it was very unlikely so it was a bit of a shock when he did, albeit a few months just. Sentences here are pretty short. I accepted he was gone but with it being such a short length of time it felt like I was just on pause waiting for him to come home. Even though he\'s out he\'s still not him so still on pause.
I hope you get your peace and resolution, its ok to be a wee bit bonkers and want to smush his face with a saucepan...x
Oh I want to smack him in the head today with a fry pan, or something bigger. Just a crabby ass jerk today. I guess I would get crabby too, but he don\'t have to take it out on me. He got mad at something I tried to do to help some guy there, that he made me do. It was more complicated than I figured it would be, so in the end, it didn\'t work out, and he got all pissy, and said I COULD OF DONE IT IF I WERE HOME... I yelled at him BUT THAT IS THE POINT.. YOU ARE NOT HOME.. and he hung up on me. Quiet the rest of the day, nothing from him, and so far, I don\'t care. Probably will call all nice tomorrow. He always gets me doing things for these guys, who he will never hear from again once out.
Truth hurts, especially when it comes to our loved ones. If I were in that situation, I\'d just plum tell my guy that there\'s no point-can\'t win for losing. I think it\'s a matter where his anger is displaced-he\'s angry that he\'s locked up, angry that he can\'t take care of things like you can, and he is directing it on you. Take that fry pan, literally or figuratively, and give it a good whack because his tantrum is childish. Men, when they\'re not able to resolve difficult issues or situations, and rely on their loved ones to take care it, it messes with them.