About Me.

I am 18 years old. From as far back as I can remember I have been so beyond paranoid that it's ridiculous. When I was a kid, I knew that I was going to be abducted and murdered..to the point where I was afraid to leave the house. Even on the hottest of summer nights I would pull the covers up to my neck because I was scared of the person in my room, and sleep with an arm across my back. Now, I know every kid has fears but this as just escalated. I have trouble walking through the house when there isn't a lot of light. I anticipate an attacker on my every turn. I check my closet and under my bed multiple times before going to sleep because in my heart I know there is someone down there. At night I have to have all of the curtains or shades shut because I can feel someone out there watching me every night. I walk around the house and re-lock and shut everything 4 or 5 times. I SNEAK around in my own house so the "intruder" every night doesn't hear me. As I look out the window now, into the darkness, I know someone is out there. Only when the sun comes up the next morning do I feel safe. I'm in college for criminal justice. I have to help the people that this actually happens to, not just paranoia. This is controlling my life. I can't do anything..normal. I can't go out with people at night. I can barely leave my room at night to use the bathroom. Sometimes I break down in such fear that I cry and hope that whatever it is goes away. I know this can't be good for me... So many things are run by this, I could go on for hours.
I also have depression and was in therapy a lot as a kid, but never discussed this paranoia problem because I thought it was just me. My depression mostly just makes me unmotivated and is now interfering with my college life and work. I'm pretty sure I have some other mental issues but I have yet to pinpoint what exactly they are.
Thank you for reading x

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know how you feel bro. :( I can\'t go anywhere dark. Like at all. It\'s bad... I hope this website helps you and that you can overcome your paranoia and depression. :)