About time, I guess
After almost three years since getting on DS, I've used my bluebonnet avatar. Originally to remain anonymous. But since coming "out of the closet" about a year ago, I've never bothered to put my real mug shot up.
Until now.
It will likely give people a double-take who are used to identifying me by the bluebonnets. But there you go. Everything changes with time.
Speaking of coming out of the closet, I should probably do a journal on that experience. Details later if I don't forget, but a summary now.
I mentioned on a recent thread on Infidelity forum a couple of "insensitive responses" I've received. I know they probably meant well, but not having gone through it themselves, just didn't get why what they were saying was not great. But I didn't make an issue of it with them. But those comments have been in the minority.
The main two categories of responses I've experienced is support and deathly silence. I can tell sometimes the subject makes people uncomfortable, and they don't tend to say anything. I think there are three main reasons for this, assuming they know about it either through us telling them or stumbling across our book.
1. They grew up in a culture where proper folk simply didn't talk about such personal matters. They'd rather ignore the elephant in the room, and don't appreciate having it pointed out to them. It makes not staring at it awkward.
2. Some people fall into the "I don't know what to say" feeling, so they ignore the subject for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, or revealing how unrealistic their ideas on the subject are. This is common to many lack of responses to people who have gone through such trauma.
3. I've wondered how many people fall into this reason, but will probably never know. Anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and is embarrassed by it, will likely not want to discuss my experience with it. Too painful for them.
Another sub-group would be those currently cheating or keeping a cheating secret from their spouse for however long, will either avoid the topic or possibly condemn all cheaters to hell in overreacting to their own guilt.
Another interesting divide is gender. I've only had three male friends/relatives who have discussed it much at all. Only one I know of who has read our book (a friend at church). Most guys simply avoid talking about it.
Meanwhile, women by the droves seem more open and willing to read our story. When members of my critique group found out I had copies to sell, they begged for me to bring them a copy. I'll have to amend the above, because two of them were women, but one was a man. So make that two men I know who have got the book. But still, a much larger % of women seem to be willing to talk about it and show support for both me and Gabi.
I guess that plays into the gender stereotypes of men being silent and women talkative.
Until now.
It will likely give people a double-take who are used to identifying me by the bluebonnets. But there you go. Everything changes with time.
Speaking of coming out of the closet, I should probably do a journal on that experience. Details later if I don't forget, but a summary now.
I mentioned on a recent thread on Infidelity forum a couple of "insensitive responses" I've received. I know they probably meant well, but not having gone through it themselves, just didn't get why what they were saying was not great. But I didn't make an issue of it with them. But those comments have been in the minority.
The main two categories of responses I've experienced is support and deathly silence. I can tell sometimes the subject makes people uncomfortable, and they don't tend to say anything. I think there are three main reasons for this, assuming they know about it either through us telling them or stumbling across our book.
1. They grew up in a culture where proper folk simply didn't talk about such personal matters. They'd rather ignore the elephant in the room, and don't appreciate having it pointed out to them. It makes not staring at it awkward.
2. Some people fall into the "I don't know what to say" feeling, so they ignore the subject for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, or revealing how unrealistic their ideas on the subject are. This is common to many lack of responses to people who have gone through such trauma.
3. I've wondered how many people fall into this reason, but will probably never know. Anyone who has cheated or been cheated on and is embarrassed by it, will likely not want to discuss my experience with it. Too painful for them.
Another sub-group would be those currently cheating or keeping a cheating secret from their spouse for however long, will either avoid the topic or possibly condemn all cheaters to hell in overreacting to their own guilt.
Another interesting divide is gender. I've only had three male friends/relatives who have discussed it much at all. Only one I know of who has read our book (a friend at church). Most guys simply avoid talking about it.
Meanwhile, women by the droves seem more open and willing to read our story. When members of my critique group found out I had copies to sell, they begged for me to bring them a copy. I'll have to amend the above, because two of them were women, but one was a man. So make that two men I know who have got the book. But still, a much larger % of women seem to be willing to talk about it and show support for both me and Gabi.
I guess that plays into the gender stereotypes of men being silent and women talkative.
Replies
Well I for one think that it is very brave of you to \"come out\", and for that alone, you deserve to be congratulated.