About Me
Many years ago on here, back again I guess. Depression for many years, worse as I get older. Loss lots of friend as the voted for Dump so I don't talk to them anymore. Can't do it, sick of the hate. I have been successful but losing my DOD job after 10 years due to lots of bad bully bosses who demean and harass good folks. Just sickening and filled with hate. Can't watch my co-workers put up with the shit anylonger. So its time to move on in the big town of Omaha. Can't wait to get my walking papers Monday, not much to say to such hateful losers though. Feeling better knowing I will be out of there. Sucks looking for new work though. At least I have seveal degrees so should be ok.
Married, 2nd time around with a 12 year old daughter. However; since she was born my wife and her are bound at the hips and I live on another world far away. I know its a big part of my loneliness and depression but it deeper than that too. Funny three in the house yet I am all alone. Lost my dog of 4 years last month. She was my best friend. Miss her bad. Hope to find another. I work to live and take it day by day trying to live more in the moment. I think its a key to life, but still hard. Not much patience with hateful people. Still, there are many days when just want to sleep forever- I hope there is no god or hell. Just want to be done when I am gone.
Replies
It’s easy to see how someone would feel so down, given all you have to contend with, and for that I am sorry. A job loss, pet loss, and disconnection from partner and family – which is worse than being alone. I have to imagine the laundry list of negative things in your life, which would weigh anyone down, is likely akin to wearing dark sunglasses 24/7 and making the whole picture look a bit darker than it might actually be, not to say that it isn’t dark and difficult to begin with.
The job loss might be the best thing you have going, as you’ve pointed out yourself that getting out of it feels like a relief. When a job is so miserable it’s diminishing to your soul, it’s time to move on. Having several degrees should give you a lot of options. I wish I had that. I’m trying to make a living without any degrees at all. Treat the new opportunity like being a kid in a candy store, if you can. If you can afford to postpone the job hunt a bit, that might be another opportunity, to focus on other areas of your life that need attention. When was the last time you did something kind for yourself?
Depression lends itself to isolation, which you sound like you know. Not only does it affect the person who is depressed, but everyone around that person as well. Only way to reconnect a disconnected marriage is with hard work and likely a good counselor (I know they can be hard to find, but they do exist). It can be done, people do come back from the brink, but both parties have to be willing to commit. Your child becomes an adult in 6 years, I would try to make the most of that time as you know you won’t get it back once it’s gone. If there’s any chance at all of turning things around, why not give it a shot? Perhaps your family wishes you were more present in their lives more than you are aware. My two cents.
Thanks, I will have to read this when I m not on sleeping pills just prior to bed. Work is letting me go tomorrow but I am upbeat and ready for change. We shall see.