"Abilene's" posting....1/24/14..on "Their Self-Serving Beliefs" thread
Thank you "Abilene" for posting this reply on the "Their Self-Serving Beliefs" thread! You took the words right out of my mouth, and my heart. I couldn't have better written what I feel about having to 'walk away' from my only two kids as well as you did. Excellent. Thank you~and God bless you!
"My adult youngsters have their heads stuck so far up their ass they have no ability to comprehend the consequences of their abnormally crass behavior, accusations, lies, manipulations and mean gossip, meant to destroy their own mother.I chose to walk away. It's been over 3 years. I had one encounter in person with my daughter last year for 4 hours and it was incredibly painful. It made me realize just how far away we have come from knowing one another in any family like way. I'm glad I saw her and I always hope they do well. I'd like it to be a healthy relationship in huge part because I miss out on not being able to be around my grandchildren, who my adult kids use as their battering ram.I accept it's probably unlikely any of them will have a lobotomy in the near future or some sort of spiritual or otherwise awakening that might prompt them to want to respect me and find a way back into my life.
As it stands at this time and place I'm safer far away from all of them..The adults that is. I thought about it this morning and thought I have come leaps and bounds from where I was 13 years ago, or 10 years ago or 3 years ago or even last year.
Change within the spectrum of letting go and walking away from our children is not the same for all of us. It will take me the rest of my life to let go. I accept that it's part of who I am and it's that I love them both with what my motherly instincts don't allow me to ever let go of completely. I can take that. I can accept that is always going to be a bit tough, like missing an old dear friend or pet. Kids take up their place in my heart too. It's funny, but once I realized that was OK and that my intentions are not to rid or 'be done' with the fact I am still some-ones mother, I felt a relief. Like hey, It's OK to let go in any way we need to in order to move on and have a life worth incredible riches in experiences and relationships outside of the kids.my life is pretty darn great in ways I never imagined I'd feel until I took the reigns and told them all I would not be part of their games any longer. I don't think it's an all or nothing thing in my life. I leave a crack in the door in case a miracle of change occurs. I have some faith I'll be a part of my grandkids life at some point. I may be wrong and I'm not waiting it out but living an incredible life that allows me to choose day by day how I want to feel. I could try to budge open the door a bit and stick my toe in but know it would be crazily insane of me to open my door to anyone who abuses me. Kids included. I find it odd that on the PEACE they are giving estranged kids that much space to trash their parents. Granted some parents are nuts or damaged or abusive. I think if you talked with my kids they could easily paint a picture of me being out of my mind and all sorts of lovely things. I've avoided PEACE as well Estranged Stories because it seems so much pleading for the kids to be back in their life takes up too much space. I get it that everyone has their own issues. I'm here because I chose to Walk Away. It's fairly easy to write and not so easy to do. Initially it is easy because we have had it up to here and need to get the hell away from the crazies. Later, once we are away and our life picks back up again then the real task of acknowledging what took place and what it has done to us also takes a toll. or me it has. It's all a process and I'm still walking away and not looking over my shoulder in fear or waiting for them to come find me.
Life is never as simple as I imagined while growing up."
"My adult youngsters have their heads stuck so far up their ass they have no ability to comprehend the consequences of their abnormally crass behavior, accusations, lies, manipulations and mean gossip, meant to destroy their own mother.I chose to walk away. It's been over 3 years. I had one encounter in person with my daughter last year for 4 hours and it was incredibly painful. It made me realize just how far away we have come from knowing one another in any family like way. I'm glad I saw her and I always hope they do well. I'd like it to be a healthy relationship in huge part because I miss out on not being able to be around my grandchildren, who my adult kids use as their battering ram.I accept it's probably unlikely any of them will have a lobotomy in the near future or some sort of spiritual or otherwise awakening that might prompt them to want to respect me and find a way back into my life.
As it stands at this time and place I'm safer far away from all of them..The adults that is. I thought about it this morning and thought I have come leaps and bounds from where I was 13 years ago, or 10 years ago or 3 years ago or even last year.
Change within the spectrum of letting go and walking away from our children is not the same for all of us. It will take me the rest of my life to let go. I accept that it's part of who I am and it's that I love them both with what my motherly instincts don't allow me to ever let go of completely. I can take that. I can accept that is always going to be a bit tough, like missing an old dear friend or pet. Kids take up their place in my heart too. It's funny, but once I realized that was OK and that my intentions are not to rid or 'be done' with the fact I am still some-ones mother, I felt a relief. Like hey, It's OK to let go in any way we need to in order to move on and have a life worth incredible riches in experiences and relationships outside of the kids.my life is pretty darn great in ways I never imagined I'd feel until I took the reigns and told them all I would not be part of their games any longer. I don't think it's an all or nothing thing in my life. I leave a crack in the door in case a miracle of change occurs. I have some faith I'll be a part of my grandkids life at some point. I may be wrong and I'm not waiting it out but living an incredible life that allows me to choose day by day how I want to feel. I could try to budge open the door a bit and stick my toe in but know it would be crazily insane of me to open my door to anyone who abuses me. Kids included. I find it odd that on the PEACE they are giving estranged kids that much space to trash their parents. Granted some parents are nuts or damaged or abusive. I think if you talked with my kids they could easily paint a picture of me being out of my mind and all sorts of lovely things. I've avoided PEACE as well Estranged Stories because it seems so much pleading for the kids to be back in their life takes up too much space. I get it that everyone has their own issues. I'm here because I chose to Walk Away. It's fairly easy to write and not so easy to do. Initially it is easy because we have had it up to here and need to get the hell away from the crazies. Later, once we are away and our life picks back up again then the real task of acknowledging what took place and what it has done to us also takes a toll. or me it has. It's all a process and I'm still walking away and not looking over my shoulder in fear or waiting for them to come find me.
Life is never as simple as I imagined while growing up."
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