A Year and a Half Later.....
Well. Here I am, a year and a half later and not much closer to divorce—much to my husband’s chagrin I might add. We tried one mediator, only to quickly realize that he was more of a counselor and that we needed more of a financial advisor. Then I consulted an attorney, only to realize that I still needed a financial advisor. So finally I went to a divorce financial planner in March. My STBX and I have been spinning our wheels ever since.
I actually feel sorry for the poor woman. She has run and re-run so many different scenarios for us and, as is typical, neither of us can make up our minds because I am too afraid to take a stand and my STBX is too worried about me ending up with “more” than him. We were planning to sell the house, so she ran the numbers accordingly. Then we had the house appraised and discovered that it is worth far less in this economy than we had thought, so we decided that I would keep the house as part of the settlement. In anticipation of this, we had it refinanced into my name and our financial planner re-ran the figures. Three days after I closed on the house, my employer informed me that they were selling the medical practice and the new owners decided to close the lab. I was going to be out of a job in six weeks.
Naturally my focus shifted from the divorce to finding a new job. I have applied to every hospital system in the Chicago area and had five job interviews….to no avail. I have now reached the six month point of my unemployment benefits. I don’t know what is going to happen from here. My STBX is tired of waiting for me to get a job—especially since he met someone new in September. In February he started spending weekends with her and by March he had all but moved in with her.
I don’t so much care that he has found someone new, as that he treats her better than he has treated me in YEARS. And yes, I understand that when you’re in a new relationship you’re usually on your best behavior, but still….. Another thing that bothers me is that he left all his crap behind. He drops by on Wednesdays and every other weekend, picks up his mail and whatever else he wants, and then leaves. I haven’t made much of an issue yet because he still pays half the mortgage and all the utility bills, but I have told him that when the divorce is final, so is the “storage” of his crap in my house.
I’m finally ready for my 34 year marriage to be over, but I’m also TERRIFIED. I have no job prospects, though I continue to fill out applications, and I’ve been supplementing my meager unemployment allowance with my credit cards. I’m nearing my credit limit (which isn’t all that high) and still my STBX is worried that if he gives me a “fair” settlement, I’ll end up with more money than he has to live on.
When I first learned of my impeding unemployment, I wasn’t too concerned. As a Medical Technologist, I have never had a problem getting a job. Usually if I was called for an interview, I usually had the job. After five interviews, all of which went well, with no offers, I came to the conclusion that the former assumption no longer holds true. I was told my resume is wonderful and I have excellent references. Yet nothing.
I have had a LOT of time for self-reflection and what I have realized is that I am paralyzed with fear. Every decision I have made in life has been based on fear. I am in the position in life right now where my kids are all grown, my marriage is over, I have no job tying me down….I can literally go anywhere I want, do anything I want, be anything I want….. And I have no idea what to do or what I even like. I am afraid of life. I am afraid of making a “mistake”. There is nowhere I want to go, nothing I want to do, nothing I want to be. I haven’t enjoyed anything for so long I’m starting to wonder if I EVER enjoyed anything. I’m tired of working so hard to maintain a positive outlook. I’m just tired period. And I don’t see what point there is to living life like this.
I actually feel sorry for the poor woman. She has run and re-run so many different scenarios for us and, as is typical, neither of us can make up our minds because I am too afraid to take a stand and my STBX is too worried about me ending up with “more” than him. We were planning to sell the house, so she ran the numbers accordingly. Then we had the house appraised and discovered that it is worth far less in this economy than we had thought, so we decided that I would keep the house as part of the settlement. In anticipation of this, we had it refinanced into my name and our financial planner re-ran the figures. Three days after I closed on the house, my employer informed me that they were selling the medical practice and the new owners decided to close the lab. I was going to be out of a job in six weeks.
Naturally my focus shifted from the divorce to finding a new job. I have applied to every hospital system in the Chicago area and had five job interviews….to no avail. I have now reached the six month point of my unemployment benefits. I don’t know what is going to happen from here. My STBX is tired of waiting for me to get a job—especially since he met someone new in September. In February he started spending weekends with her and by March he had all but moved in with her.
I don’t so much care that he has found someone new, as that he treats her better than he has treated me in YEARS. And yes, I understand that when you’re in a new relationship you’re usually on your best behavior, but still….. Another thing that bothers me is that he left all his crap behind. He drops by on Wednesdays and every other weekend, picks up his mail and whatever else he wants, and then leaves. I haven’t made much of an issue yet because he still pays half the mortgage and all the utility bills, but I have told him that when the divorce is final, so is the “storage” of his crap in my house.
I’m finally ready for my 34 year marriage to be over, but I’m also TERRIFIED. I have no job prospects, though I continue to fill out applications, and I’ve been supplementing my meager unemployment allowance with my credit cards. I’m nearing my credit limit (which isn’t all that high) and still my STBX is worried that if he gives me a “fair” settlement, I’ll end up with more money than he has to live on.
When I first learned of my impeding unemployment, I wasn’t too concerned. As a Medical Technologist, I have never had a problem getting a job. Usually if I was called for an interview, I usually had the job. After five interviews, all of which went well, with no offers, I came to the conclusion that the former assumption no longer holds true. I was told my resume is wonderful and I have excellent references. Yet nothing.
I have had a LOT of time for self-reflection and what I have realized is that I am paralyzed with fear. Every decision I have made in life has been based on fear. I am in the position in life right now where my kids are all grown, my marriage is over, I have no job tying me down….I can literally go anywhere I want, do anything I want, be anything I want….. And I have no idea what to do or what I even like. I am afraid of life. I am afraid of making a “mistake”. There is nowhere I want to go, nothing I want to do, nothing I want to be. I haven’t enjoyed anything for so long I’m starting to wonder if I EVER enjoyed anything. I’m tired of working so hard to maintain a positive outlook. I’m just tired period. And I don’t see what point there is to living life like this.
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