A weird place to be
Hello everyone:
After 5 years of separation on Friday I got a divorce. We had been together for 21 years in total, and we have known each other since we were 11 years old. At times my marriage was good, not perfect, but good and happy. But then what I tought is was only a bad mood from his part became anger and at my worst I end up in a hospital bed with severe damaged to my ribs. After an argument, for the life of me can't remember what was the argument about he kick me on the floor so hard I lost consiousness for a while. A neighbor took me to the hospital. I still did not left him. In fact he left me, and I was a mess. I tried to make it work but after he had 2 affairs I slowly began to move on. I got a job, one of those meaningless jobs, started making friends, got promoted, went to therapy...
Which gets me to last Friday, I went to the courthouse and signed the papers for an uncontested divorce, with my head held high. I did not flinch or buckled. We only have one daughter who lives with me but is in college, so after our living arrangement were settled (he will continue to pay me rent for 5 years); we went out of the courtroom. And when I looked back, there he was, ,my ex crying at the stairs...I mean really crying. He told me he still love me.
So that is the weird part, he has been asking me for a divorce for the past 5 years,and now that I signed, then he tells me he loves me!
When he left he told me he did not love anymore!
I have someone else in my life, who is very different from him, and we are having so far a good relationship, so far been 3 months... I know, but is really good so far.
Is this common? Or my ex is as crazy as I think he is?
Regardless of that divorce is hard, even when you know is long overdue.
After 5 years of separation on Friday I got a divorce. We had been together for 21 years in total, and we have known each other since we were 11 years old. At times my marriage was good, not perfect, but good and happy. But then what I tought is was only a bad mood from his part became anger and at my worst I end up in a hospital bed with severe damaged to my ribs. After an argument, for the life of me can't remember what was the argument about he kick me on the floor so hard I lost consiousness for a while. A neighbor took me to the hospital. I still did not left him. In fact he left me, and I was a mess. I tried to make it work but after he had 2 affairs I slowly began to move on. I got a job, one of those meaningless jobs, started making friends, got promoted, went to therapy...
Which gets me to last Friday, I went to the courthouse and signed the papers for an uncontested divorce, with my head held high. I did not flinch or buckled. We only have one daughter who lives with me but is in college, so after our living arrangement were settled (he will continue to pay me rent for 5 years); we went out of the courtroom. And when I looked back, there he was, ,my ex crying at the stairs...I mean really crying. He told me he still love me.
So that is the weird part, he has been asking me for a divorce for the past 5 years,and now that I signed, then he tells me he loves me!
When he left he told me he did not love anymore!
I have someone else in my life, who is very different from him, and we are having so far a good relationship, so far been 3 months... I know, but is really good so far.
Is this common? Or my ex is as crazy as I think he is?
Regardless of that divorce is hard, even when you know is long overdue.
Replies
Wow...sounds like you\'ve been to hell and back. I can relate..was with my stbx for 17 years. He was a philanderer and emotionally abusive. I finally left and now he is nicer to me than ever? GO FIGURE! You\'re not alone.
I believe he was crying fake tears or mabye he never really thought you\'d go through with the divorce. Anyways I\'m glad you have a better relationship now.
I am late jumping in here, but saw you just joined the Divorce After 20+ Years group and that\'s how I knew you were here on DS.
So, I am reading all your journals now to bring myself up to speed.
I am SO GLAD that you were smart enough and strong enough to GET AWAY from that man! Too many women end up being trapped in what is absolutely a dangerous marriage! The first time a man lays a hand on you, GET OUT! That advice came to me from a long time friend who is a police officer and worked Domestic Crime for 20 years. She said \"If he hits you once, and you don\'t leave, he will eventually kill you.\" Good advice!
I am not surprised that he came around with the \"I love you\" b.s. at the 11th hour. Your divorcing him represented the END -- he will now have to go find another victim.
My advice to you is this: KNOW that you must create a PERMANENT BOUNDARY between yourself and your X. Most abusers do not change.
Thank you for sharing this.
CowgirlKathi tells it \'right On\' just like it is!!
NDY