A week of losses
Mitch moved to Texas. He left on Thursday around 6 am. He called at 4:30 to let me know they were getting ready to leave so I could come over and send them off. I cried. And it still really hurts. I'm going to miss him a lot and I honestly don't know how it's going to work, but I want it to. I want it to work.
I felt better about it today but I still feel abandoned. I felt better, past tense. I was doing pretty well today, I went to the dentist, Ick but then I had a phone interview letting me know that I have received the opportunity to showcase my artwork at an event in Denver at a reputable event center and for a reputable event. I'm really excited about that. But after all of this and the good news we took our dog today to get put down. That's one of the hardest things I've ever had to handle. Mitch was hard, but I'll never have Champ back. The whole family sat with him while they did it. I watched him go from having trouble breathing to almost no breath at all in a second...his heart was still beating but he wasn't breathing and he was just staring...and then he was gone. My friend of 12 years just gone...like that.
I know it's apart of life, and thats the burden you carry in owning pets, that's apart of it. But I hated it. I've never watched anything die before. Maybe some pet fish but not something that was like a best friend to me. I've never lost a family member, and the first dog I lost I didn't actually whiteness it.
I hated it...I hate death...and I hate loss. It's a week of loss and I hate it. I lose my boyfriend, so he can go off on a fantastic journey with his fucking "boyfriend" while I'm stuck here...watching the things I care about die. And I have to deal with his family, I have to take care of them and make sure they do well with him moving and now i have to take care of my family with this loss and I hate it...I just want to be selfish and do something for me. I wanna move away and just do what I want to do and not listen to anyone else's feelings or opinions or have to take care of anyone or anything I just want to be alone so nobody can hurt me...But I can't and I hate it.
I felt better about it today but I still feel abandoned. I felt better, past tense. I was doing pretty well today, I went to the dentist, Ick but then I had a phone interview letting me know that I have received the opportunity to showcase my artwork at an event in Denver at a reputable event center and for a reputable event. I'm really excited about that. But after all of this and the good news we took our dog today to get put down. That's one of the hardest things I've ever had to handle. Mitch was hard, but I'll never have Champ back. The whole family sat with him while they did it. I watched him go from having trouble breathing to almost no breath at all in a second...his heart was still beating but he wasn't breathing and he was just staring...and then he was gone. My friend of 12 years just gone...like that.
I know it's apart of life, and thats the burden you carry in owning pets, that's apart of it. But I hated it. I've never watched anything die before. Maybe some pet fish but not something that was like a best friend to me. I've never lost a family member, and the first dog I lost I didn't actually whiteness it.
I hated it...I hate death...and I hate loss. It's a week of loss and I hate it. I lose my boyfriend, so he can go off on a fantastic journey with his fucking "boyfriend" while I'm stuck here...watching the things I care about die. And I have to deal with his family, I have to take care of them and make sure they do well with him moving and now i have to take care of my family with this loss and I hate it...I just want to be selfish and do something for me. I wanna move away and just do what I want to do and not listen to anyone else's feelings or opinions or have to take care of anyone or anything I just want to be alone so nobody can hurt me...But I can't and I hate it.
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