A Week of Goodbye - Day 1
On Monday, we turned in an official seven-day notice for our 3 1/2 y/o FD. This followed a fourteen-day "heads-up" to our agency SW that our FD's needs and behaviors were beyond what the hubs and I could handle and they should find a home that is a better fit for her. It's that all-too common foster care story: a rushed placement where serious medical conditions, aggressive behaviors, and developmental delays were hidden to get a home - any home - in a hurry.
When our kiddo moved in with us, she thought she was just visiting; no one told her she was going to live with us. For the first week, she kept telling us different things she had "at home." Now with her impending move, we're trying a slower transition to help her get used to the idea of moving and, most importantly, understand that she is NOT moving because she is "bad."
Here's what we're doing to try to make this transition less traumatic than the last one:
1. Purchased luggage - She came to us with all her belongings in garbage bags . We found some giant pink duffle bags on Amazon in which to pack her stuff this time. (http://www.amazon.com/Inch-Heavy-Waterproof-3-Pocket-Hockey/dp/B00OD5K1AW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1461166599&sr=8-2&keywords=large+pink+duffle+bag)
2. Bought children's books about emotions and foster care moves - last night we read In My Heart: A Book of Feelings and Murphy's Three Homes: A Story for Children in Foster Care. We used Murphy's story to talk about her first home (previous placement), her second home (our house), and shared that we're working on finding a GREAT third home for her, just like Murphy found.
3. Reminding her that she is a good girl - one of her fears (like a lot of kiddos in care at her age) is that if she is a "bad girl," she will get sent away. The hubs and I are working on helping her understand that even when she doesn't follow directions, she is still a good girl inside. She's also a good girl who deserves a home where people will give her the love and attention she craves.
That's what we've done so far, and we have five more days until the move. The plan after school today is an art project where we each draw the home and family we want for our FD and talk about our hopes. We'll see how that goes...
When our kiddo moved in with us, she thought she was just visiting; no one told her she was going to live with us. For the first week, she kept telling us different things she had "at home." Now with her impending move, we're trying a slower transition to help her get used to the idea of moving and, most importantly, understand that she is NOT moving because she is "bad."
Here's what we're doing to try to make this transition less traumatic than the last one:
1. Purchased luggage - She came to us with all her belongings in garbage bags . We found some giant pink duffle bags on Amazon in which to pack her stuff this time. (http://www.amazon.com/Inch-Heavy-Waterproof-3-Pocket-Hockey/dp/B00OD5K1AW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1461166599&sr=8-2&keywords=large+pink+duffle+bag)
2. Bought children's books about emotions and foster care moves - last night we read In My Heart: A Book of Feelings and Murphy's Three Homes: A Story for Children in Foster Care. We used Murphy's story to talk about her first home (previous placement), her second home (our house), and shared that we're working on finding a GREAT third home for her, just like Murphy found.
3. Reminding her that she is a good girl - one of her fears (like a lot of kiddos in care at her age) is that if she is a "bad girl," she will get sent away. The hubs and I are working on helping her understand that even when she doesn't follow directions, she is still a good girl inside. She's also a good girl who deserves a home where people will give her the love and attention she craves.
That's what we've done so far, and we have five more days until the move. The plan after school today is an art project where we each draw the home and family we want for our FD and talk about our hopes. We'll see how that goes...
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Sounds like you\'re doing everything you can and researched a lot. Good for you. Everything in their lives is so hard, whatever we can make easier helps. If you are like me, even knowing it is the right decision for yourselves and your family, I felt guilty for not keeping our kids with us. A good friend reminded me that I can not stop the fact that they are \"in the system\" and the resulting hurts and fears are not mine to accept blame for. All we can do is what we are able to and then hope for the best.
Wise words, fourthdb. I absolutely feel that guilt, especially as more and more of her life story comes to the surface. Thank you for taking the time to share; I greatly appreciate it!