A Week in the COLD!
It is Monday morning and the sun has finally come out in Norfolk. Me and the kids fly home tonight. They are both still asleep taking full advantage of the last day of vacation. My brother and sister in law are at work. So I am all alone. I had a lot of "alone time" this week. Had a lot of time to think (not always a good thing,LOL). My brother and his wife have been wonderful. My other brother, wife and 3 year old daughter came over each day as well. I enjoyed all of them as did my kids, but it was COLD and raining most of the time! My parents also made the trip up. My Dad was fine, my Mother picked on me and criticized me every chance she got as always! Some things she said to my face, others behind my back. I love her but I wish she had stayed home, God forgive me but I do. My Mother seems to forget how hard divorce is and how hard it is to raise kids on your own. She didn't understand that we came here to do "nothing" just visit! Each day she would show up at the house at 9 am and be mad because my kids were still sleeping. Said they were lazy like their Mother! She wanted to know our plans each day (we had none, I had no car or desire to go anywhere). I was here to relax and spend time with my brothers and kids. Again, too lazy to do anything in her eyes. My brother has a small house and me and the kids had two options of sleeping, one room with a double bed and the other with an air mattress. Started out me and daughter in the bed, son on air mattress. He was too big so I told him to sleep in the bed with me and daughter on air mattress. She is 14 but acts 4 at times and didn't want to sleep in the room alone (plus the room with the bed had a TV!). SO I said fine I would sleep on the air mattress and they could share the bed. All was fine until my Mom heard about it. She said it was "Nasty" to let my son and daughter sleep together, WHAT!?!?! She said I made them do it to be selfish and have my own room?? This lady is a piece of work? Wonder why I have issues?!? She told one of my sister in law's friends that she was afraid I would never find a man becuase of my weight? The lady was embarassed for me and told my Mother I was beautiful and I could have any man I wanted, she thought I just wasn't ready. I thanked the lady for her comment. My Mother knows I have been working on myself and I am doing very well. I am 5'7" tall I weight 190lbs and have big boobs and butt. I look good and feel good. I try to see myself as pretty and worthy and want a man that takes me as I am anyway. Looks fade! I have plenty of men (and women) who find me attractive, just not the right one yet, but damn, I have only been single since June, give me a break. I used to be much bigger. Why does the lady that gave birth to me find such fault in me? I do nothing right in her eyes, never have! Why can't she see the good in me and overlook some of the flaws. Isn't that what you do when you love someone?I just avoided her as much as I could. It has gotten to be that is all I can do when it comes to her. Sad as it is!! It did kind of bring me down though, while I was here.It also hurt to be around my brother's and their wives. They both matched themselves well and have friends and lovers in their mates. I did envy them. I pointed it out and asked them to realize how blessed and lucky they were and not to take it for granted. I have never had that and I am not sure I ever will. I am OK alone. Better than it used to be. I have friends just not the man that matches me. Not really sure there is one. I think I will still be OK if not but I sure wish there was.Sometimes I think my Mom is right. Maybe no one will see my good because of my flaws, if your own Mother can't see beyond them, they must be pretty bad! Then I say screw it. I like me. If you don't, bite me!!! There is a "nasty, lazy, overweight, not so pretty, not too bright, blonde" loving man somewhere in the world looking for me. If he finds me and treats me right, he will be treated like a king and loved honestly and deeply. Yep he would be one lucky man but I am not forcing or looking for anything or anyone. I expect nothing and then I am not disappointed. One day I pray I am plesently surprised and I find my "friend/lover, partner.I want to find someone that makes me feel, each day we are together, like we are skipping school and and having the time of our lives. When I kiss him, I want to feel like I am making out behind the gym with the cutest guy in class (even if the rest of the world thinks we are both butt-ugly!!LOL). Know what I mean? Maybe one day, but if not, today isn't so bad. My kids are healthy and happy and the sun is out in Virginia! Missed you guys! Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! I thanked God for all of you!
Replies
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - you are making my blood boil ( or should I say your mother). I spent five days, basically alone, feeling all the same damn things. Only, my parents NEVER EVEN CALLED ME TO SEE IF I WAS OK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I\'m sure that it is my fault as I am supposed to call them - the phone only works that way. Don\'t even mention the fact that I am in deep depression over the break up of my entire family since the divorce, my cousin\'s death, everything else... I am so afraid to call them now, because I will get the cold shoulder and the freeze out - and yet the longer I go without contacting them the harder it gets. Vicious fucking cycle.
Well, I love the big boobed, nice booty, blonde - so there!!!!!
I am so sorry to hear about what your mother believes to be flaws but I am glad to see through her charade. You know you aren\'t ugly and you know you are worth your weight in gold and then some. You are the only one allowed to tear you down now, and although I am sure your mom believes she is saying those things out of love she should be told that they aren\'t loving and that you really need her support right now. Life has given you enough and has broken you down and now is the time for your family and friends to bring you back up to where you rightfully deserve to be. You are a strong bright intelligent compassionate woman and you are right any man would be damned lucky to even have met you let alone you allow them into your life to share it with them. You keep holding strong and you watch the cutest boy in school is gonna come sweep you up and beg to be your best friend and partner. (((((hugs))))
Stop listening to your Mom. She is not helping your healing at all. My mother used to do some of the same stuff to me. I can take because I am used to it. I don\'t let it bother me since I know for sure that I am doing well in my life. Yea...there is this slight bump in the road. That\'s ok though. We all will have those bumps. I am sure that your mother\'s life was never picture perfect. The good part is when you go home, you get to live your life the way you want to. Not by how your mother thinks you should.
I love you to death. Your mom is just unhappy so she feels the need to put you down to make herself feel better. Misery loves company. I\'m very thankful for you exactly the way you are!!!
Don\'t believe a word of what she says. Maybe she is just windowing things to you about what she doesn\'t like about herself. I have a friend like that. I take the meat from that relationship and throw out the bones.
You\'re a good egg in my book and a very pretty woman. Pat yourself on the back and take all the time you need to heal. People want to rush us into a quick fix in healing and that is not always possible.