A Waiting Game
Feeling....I don't know really. It's rather 'existing' really. Nothing planned really. I know what I'm doing my Mum and Brother for dinner tonight, planned that this morning. For my Mum it's a baked potato with spicy bean burgers and for my brother it's a baked potato with a sausage and beans. Then they have a treacle pudding and custard for dessert. I hope I'll be at a stage where I can join our family meals again at some point :( I feel like a bit of a spare part...my doing. I like to make sure they arn't missing out on nice food which is why I prepare and cook it. It's just I feel so isolated. It's like I'm living a seperate life from my family at the moment.Going inpatient hasn't sunk in. I talk about it so matter of fact, like it's happening to someone else. I'm not so sure this is a good thing. Once I'm told a bed is available I don't really want it to suddenly smack me in the face and cause a complete freak out. I was hoping I might feel...I don't know...something, which is why I don't think it's really sunk in. The only thing happening (which has just happened whilst typing this) is that everytime the bloody house phone rings I suddenly get a rush of anxiety! People don't usually call the house phone very often, it's just my Nan but it seems whenever we are expecting any phone calls it rings more often!
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