A Visit with My Brother
Saturday, May 16, 2009 - 5:15 PM It seems as though it has been several weeks since I have written anything here, but I know it has not been that long. A number of things have been happening in my life, which has kept me away, but none of them is too earth shattering. The most positive thing I can say that happened during the past week is that my brother drove down from Boulder to see me on Thursday. He was here for nearly four hours. During that time, we exchanged remembrances about our lives both as children and as adults. There were many instances when I felt that Lee had forgotten things that occurred in his childhood. (I had to remind him about them.) As an "amateur psychologist,” I feel that he has blocked them out of his memory. Since we were getting along so well, I decided not to push him too hard, but to leave that for the professionals. At one point, things got close to being somewhat touchy. Lee wanted to know how many times he had been angry with me during the ten and a half years I have lived here. I said there were at least five times that I could remember. He then told me not to feel sorry for myself. All of that came in response to a statement I made to him about him having a temper just like our mother. He was not happy hearing that. He went through the story of how he had been arrested on a second charge of driving under the influence, and the sentence that he had received for that. He expressed gratitude to me for caring enough to ask about it. Lee wanted to ask me a few things about what I like to do now, as compared to what I enjoyed in the past. He seemed to have some difficulty in asking me about this, but I told him to "quit sputtering" and come straight out and ask me. He said that he was happy to hear me say that. On Monday morning, we are both scheduled to meet with Dale, my mental health therapist, and Dr. Martin, my psychologist. I feel that my brother is actually looking forward to that. As for me, I am becoming bored with the whole situation. I still do not believe that this is helping me overcome my depression very much. In spite of that, I am not ready to throw in the towel.
Replies
Hi Jim Glad you spent some good time with your brother this week. As for feeling depressed. I also feel that way more often now, with the loss of both my parents and aging with CP I think. I have just turned 46. It sure is a long time to live with this kind of disability. though, I am not wheelchair bound like you. Yes, I am gratful for that and having lived this long as well. I find that my life like this as made me much more weary. Then it did when I was younger. So we will both hang in there together. Many hugs-Stephanie
I\'ve been struggling with depression these days too. You aren\'t alone.
My therapist says it\'s mourning. After telling your story comes mourning, I guess. I just want to feel better and don\'t really care why!
I think you are a brave and strong man to help your brother so much. You are making the world a better place by doing this, did you know that? If he is a teacher then he has a lot of influence.
If it gets way too boring and you want to move on to something else, you can do that. It\'s okay to focus on you. I think you\'ve done more than enough for your brother. Way more than most would be capable of.
You\'d be right not to throw the towel in just yet. I had been in therapy for around 8 or 9 years trying to deal with my childhood living with what I now know to be CP. I came out from counselling when I was ready to face the world with renewed confidence. Even though you don\'t think therapy is helping any time soon - you\'ll know when you start feeling better and your depression does not bother you as much as it does. You need time - I\'m here if you need the support.
Good for you for not throwing in the towel. I am glad you guys had a fairly good visit, and I like that you told him to quit sputtering, did he laugh, I would have laughed if someone had said that to me, sometimes I sputter.
Sorry I\'m late Jim......
\"He expressed gratitude to me for caring enough to ask about it.\"
That\'s one of the tricks isn\'t it. Trying to remember that someone who tries our spirits, who is scary, frustrating, mean or whatever else,
is still a human being.
I know with my Pearls, I have to force myself to remember that they\'re human beings, and still deserve some basic respect and courtesy.
I just don\'t have the strength or downright personal integrity to do that now, though. I have too much anger and resentment.
And menopause...... sigh......
\"As for me, I am becoming bored with the whole situation. I still do not believe that this is helping me overcome my depression very much.\"
Your expectations need adjusted Jim... This is not about seeing flowers and rainbows after every session.
The more I learn from others here, that are our mutual friends, the more I understand that myself too.
Sam said:
\"My therapist says it\'s mourning. After telling your story comes mourning, I guess.\"
And that is REALLY helpful to me. I hope it helps you too.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
There is a saying in 12 step programs that goes like this; \" Hurt People Hurt People. \"
You brother has a lot of issues to work on.
He still likes to keep that illusion of of superiority going to stoke his ego.
Try not to take anything offensive he may say to you.
He has a lot of pain going on inside himself.
But that is his ball of wax.
I am sure you love him. His participation in the sessions is noteworthy.
However, I disagree with the above pertaining to your mentioning that you are becoming somewhat bored with the family therapy sessions.
I am not sure if your brother is going to individual therapy with his own counselor.
It has always seemed to me that he stands with the therapists in his level of importance in YOUR sessions, but allows himself some \" feigned \" moments of weakness where he dips into your counseling sessions to avail himself an opportunity to meet his own needs. I could just be a real bitch. But, that is the way it has looked to me from time to time.
First and foremost these sessions are all about you. They are YOUR therapy sessions and they revolve around what is best for you. The focus is entirely on you. You can always consider spacing the family sessions a little further apart so you can work on your depression.
Your brother is sticking with it, though, That is commendable. He did visit with you, which shows an honest desire to improve his relationship with you.
Sometimes there is kind of let down when we see our relative not as a brother, etc., but as the individual person he/she currently is.
Sadness does come with facing the past and how much it has stolen from us.
But, that sadness must be tempered and allowed to roam free at healthy levels.
You, Jim, are in charge of your own recovery.
Do what is feels right for you.
You are a pretty smart guy, ya know.