A visit to the doctor
I went to see my doctor yesterday to have my prescriptions reordered. She asked how I was feeling. I said that I still have good days and bad days and would like my Ativan renewed (I didn't tell her that I may have to appear at a discovery re Lisa's lawsuit). She said that I have fairly good coping skills but she feels that my moods should be more stable by now. I smiled inside and thought, 'you really don't understand'. And why should she? She is young, has no children and travels the world with her husband. She started to tell me about relaxing etc. I smiled and said "I know the theory - practice is not always my strong point". I guess I think that having down days is a normal part of grieving (lawsuit or no lawsuit) and grieving the loss of a child does not necessarily have and end date.
However, it was a reminder that I am not being diligent about walking, exercising and relaxing (yoga, meditation). So today, we walked downtown in the freezing cold and then went in the pool and hot tub when we got back. I do feel better!
I still like my doctor - we compare travels every time I go. I told her about my plans to go to the Galapagos and she told me about her hiking trip in the high Pyrenees (she is younger and fitter than me!).
So for a Wednesday, I can't complain!
Have a great rest of the week.
Lisa - I don't believe that I will ever stop grieving and missing you. But I am trying to live the life I would if you were here. I do miss your phone calls when we are on the other side of the world. I miss you always and love you forever. Mum
However, it was a reminder that I am not being diligent about walking, exercising and relaxing (yoga, meditation). So today, we walked downtown in the freezing cold and then went in the pool and hot tub when we got back. I do feel better!
I still like my doctor - we compare travels every time I go. I told her about my plans to go to the Galapagos and she told me about her hiking trip in the high Pyrenees (she is younger and fitter than me!).
So for a Wednesday, I can't complain!
Have a great rest of the week.
Lisa - I don't believe that I will ever stop grieving and missing you. But I am trying to live the life I would if you were here. I do miss your phone calls when we are on the other side of the world. I miss you always and love you forever. Mum
Replies
I think you are very wise, not expecting your young dr. to understand. Our grief knows no bounds. It\'s a terrible thing that has happened to us, and we don\'t need the whole world to understand. I do, and your soths do, too. Hopefully, your dr. will never know, that\'s what I tell people. \"Don\'t even imagine it, it\'s so much worse than you can think\".
Glad you\'re taking some responsibility for your moods. Physical activity, seeing people, really helps me not to obsess. love you, Abby
OMG, I need to start to see doctors due to arthritis is taking it\'s toll on me these days and I dread seeing them! I know all the things they are going to say: stop drinking, stop smoking etc. And then I will tell them about my son, Michael, and then they will try to give me their advice and on and on it goes. So I stay away. But have to go soon. Hugs, Belinda
Sad, the inability to have an accurate assessment of your truth. I hope an attempt to bridge the gap of understanding may be a goal.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared.
:-) Patricia
maybe you should have taken the chance and given the young dr some info on greiving mothers....(((hug)))
Marlene, you are doing very well understanding that grief has no timetable yet you are trying to be proactive by taking care of yourself using natural strategies. I know Lisa is proud of you. We will long for Lisa and Ed always but unless a person has lost a child they cannot possibly understand our pain. Love & hugs, Linda
You\'re right, they don\'t understand. But we do, so keep on journaling and let us know how you are. We do care here. Your friend, BW
The whole doctor thing is difficult, isn\'t it? Especially because they are getting younger and younger with less and less life experience. You are so right to understand that these young professionals can\'t understand what we are going through. I\'m with Abotsd, it is better that people don\'t know what we have gone through because we don\'t want them to have to feel this pain. I\'m glad you are taking care of yourself...Sending you hugs and love, Anne
You know yourself best dear Marlene, and just to have a loving and listening presence is what is needed. There are no goals as we know or places we \"should\" be on this path. Where you are for today is where you need to be and I\'m glad too that you are embracing some of what she said about the exercise etc. It does feel good to move and glad that you did that yesterday for yourself.
Yes, we don\'t want anyone to ever know this pain that is so true. Deepest of sighs...
Loving care to you today and your darling daughter, Lisa.
XO Joanie
She sounds like a sweet concerned doctor, but yes -- she just doesn\'t know and hopefully never will know what losing a child is like.
I don\'t walk or exercise anymore and I just don\'t care either. It probably would do me a world of good, but I have no umph anymore. Oh well.
Sending love Marlene, Terry
I have always done some type of excersis even before my sons death. I have amped it up over the past year I feel better. I am tired afterwards and I sleep better. I do miss it when I dont go. Thats me........ that is where I excape.....
Take care of yourself which ever way you feel works.
Hugs Penny
It\'s true they don\'t get it. My doc said I should talk to someone. I was surprised as I think that after losing both my children, it is amazing that I get up and go to work. His comment sent me into a tail spin. I really want to get back on track to take care of myself and honor the girls. Maybe tommorrow will be the day to start again. Lots of love to you. Me