A VISIT FROM MY SON

Ken comes to me inn 3's...What the meaning, I don't know....but he almost made it 3 years(28 months), he has 3 brother's, he has 3 children, now 3 grandchildren.....just 3's and I will know it is something from Ken....The first time it happened was about 5 months after he had been gone.  I was in the  hospital for a major, lifesaving surgery.  After the surgery, 12 days in the hospital, about the 3rd day after the surgery, I was awoke by something....Ken was visiting me.  I opened my eyes and there he was laying on something on the ceiling in front of my bed.  He was leaning on his elbow with his sweet smile, in his hospital gown....we communicate.  There is no verbal talking just we know what the other is saying...To him I say WHY YOU, NOT ME, (Not the order of life).,  each night he would say back ...God has something for you to do...Three night this went on each time it was the same.  After the 3rd night, he did not visit in the hospital again...."God has something for me to do"  It has haunted me since that night.  I had always worked in the church, but with back surgeries and the pain I am in, I had to give that up...So when those nights come into my mind, I wonder What, What am I suppose to do.  I have thought of this, I have thought of that....Opening a group for parents etc...Yet nothing I thought of seemed to be the answer.

In October this year as we headed to visit his kids in Al and to make our way to our winter home in Florida, we stopped at a Campground in AL...Very nice one.  We had stayed there when we visited Ken and his family.  My husband had asked if we could have a Lake View...They told him they would try....We arrived and were only spending awe there it is again 3 days.  But guess God wanted us to stay a while longer.  As it turned out it was a late Friday, we were to leave the next morning.  My husband is checkig things, and guess what, we weren't going anywhere too soon, we had a flat time on our Motor Home.  So we were able to reach someone who could help us but it would be Monday before he could help us as he had to order the tire..Frustrated, we just decide to make the best of it..We call the campground in Florida to let them know we would be a few days late...

As I don't walk a lot since I injuried my feet 2 years ago, I had not really gotten out of the Motor Home but after a few days in tight area, I venture out...I met several people, enjoyed the lake then headed back to the Coach.  As I was approaching it I met a person, and they were 3 Campers down from us(there is that 3) we started taking.  He shared with me that they had lost their beautiful daughter and then I shared I had lost Ken.  He yells for his wife to come out and we shared our stories of our losses...Their pain was so very recent around 4 months.  She cried, we cried and we talked about the why's.  As it turned out on the Lake front where we parked, including me, there were 4 mom's and a grandmom that had lost a child.  anywhere from 4 months to 37 years and we all knew the pain, we all knew exactly what the other was feeling...we became 5 together to 1 as we all knew how hard it was to live without our children.

Finally, we make it to Florida on what a Nov 3rd....As I continue to struggle with the visit from Ken 7 years ago, letting me know that God has something for me to do, my husband and I were walking somewhere and my thoughts went to What am I suppose to be doing.  We are at the same campsite as we were last season, when I was sharing with yet another mom who had lost her son.  As we walk, my husband and I, I begin talking about it again.."How am I suppose to know what it is that I am suppose to do"....Then as if God just spoke to me.....Wake up dummy, your doing exactly what I had planned for you to do.  I then realized,  Maybe I am doing what I am suppose to do.  Not some big glamours groups, write a book, don't think so, speaces, no not me....I realized what I was suppose to be doing, exactly what I am doing....I am drawn to mom's  and some dad's that have lost their child.  I can relate with them, I let them talk, I share...I don't have to rent a building to invite them their.  I just meet them ....and now 7 years later wondering the answer, I finally know.  There are a lot of mom's that don't know about this site, or have someone who understands their pain, their grief.  God places me where I am needed.  Who would have thought that when we made our reservations to stay at the campground in AL, I would meet 5 people including me who had lost their child.  Who would have known we would have a flat time....Who would have known...God knows.....Sometimes maybe our mission is exactly what we are doing.......Sandi