A very Sad Day!! A Surprising Day
Yesterday I wrote about the loss of my pet Zoey and the loss of Kenny and his pet Heidi.
After writing it, we took Abby to get a haircut. Since Kenny went to Heaven, I do not keep up with dates. I know when to schedule the bills and stuff, but that's the 1st. so I don't think of the date like the 30th. That day is still so fresh and raw. I found that out yesterday as I took Abby in for her hair cut. As I dropped her off they were talking about when to pick her up and then said this is Friday the 30th. That is all it took. I cried all the rest of the day..came home felt so sad..went back then started remembering all the things that happened feeling angry again..blaming again..I am not sure that was very healthy for me to do. This morning I woke with Ken on my mind and the same things and was still crying. Thought about it all and felt there was nothing I could do to change what happened. If I could have I would have. He is gone now and no matter how I try to think what could have been or why wasn't this done by ones that could have it is not going to change the outcome of what has happened. He is gone. I can't bring him back. I am sure this will not be the last time that I will go through this thoughts and wish that certain ones had done a better job in trying to help my son live. But all I am doing is hurting me! Those who did nothing as my friend said, they will get their judgement one day. So I am going to try to continue to go forward right now, try not to think of the horrible days that led up to Ken's death.
I know that the grief will always be there, it will someday be different. I do not know what that different will be cause I can't at this moment think of never seeing my son and talking as we used to. That is a foreign thought in my mind. So I feel I must continue to go forward as best as I can. That is the healthy way for me. If I blame, I get no where, cause the person, or persons I blame does not feel no guilt. My regret is that I did not step up to the plate and take him to the doctor myself before it was too late. I had a choice not knowing he was going to die of course I would have, but knowing if I had I would have been told not by Kenny but by others to leave,,,go home ...That I did not want. I wanted to be with my son so I had to play their game and I did get to spend the last 3 months with him everyday. i love you Kenny, I am so sorry your not here, but looking forward to the day we will be together again. Love mom
Now for my surprising day, as I said earlier, Abby went in for a haircut. When we picked her up at the boarder last week she looked like a Cocker Spaniel Show Dog!
Beautiful long flowing coat, cut to perfection. The only trouble under the flowing coat was knots of hair, so I knew she would have to have a short hair cut.
What our surprise was when we picked Abby up she no longer had any hair, she had a bur. All her beautiful long shinny coat was gone. She still has her floppy ears of a cocker but she looks like a short, short hair lab,...no hair just long skinny legs, no cocker cut, no fluffy feet. Just a very short haircut. If she did not look like Abby in the face, you would not have known she was Abby. But it will grow out. I was trying to figure out why her hair knotted up. Finally I realized, our guy that cuts out yard, does not cut it low like I would like. So when she goes out her long hair becomes wet. This happened to Zoey once, but it was because I gave her a bath and didn't fully dry and brush her. So I have learned a lesson. When she comes in I am going to have to blow dry her hair and brush it a lot, something she does not like. But to have her beautiful long coat it will be a must . So until her hair get long again, she still is our loving Abby.....Abby's Mom
To my wonderful son in Heaven, mom loves and misses you so much. It seems like yesterday you went away. And it will always probably feel that way. I love you and miss you more than you could know. I am happy you are out of pain, I just wished God had healed you so you could have still been here with us without pain,
You were my son, my friend, my advisor, my first born...I love you forever. Love, a very sad mom. Your mom.....
After writing it, we took Abby to get a haircut. Since Kenny went to Heaven, I do not keep up with dates. I know when to schedule the bills and stuff, but that's the 1st. so I don't think of the date like the 30th. That day is still so fresh and raw. I found that out yesterday as I took Abby in for her hair cut. As I dropped her off they were talking about when to pick her up and then said this is Friday the 30th. That is all it took. I cried all the rest of the day..came home felt so sad..went back then started remembering all the things that happened feeling angry again..blaming again..I am not sure that was very healthy for me to do. This morning I woke with Ken on my mind and the same things and was still crying. Thought about it all and felt there was nothing I could do to change what happened. If I could have I would have. He is gone now and no matter how I try to think what could have been or why wasn't this done by ones that could have it is not going to change the outcome of what has happened. He is gone. I can't bring him back. I am sure this will not be the last time that I will go through this thoughts and wish that certain ones had done a better job in trying to help my son live. But all I am doing is hurting me! Those who did nothing as my friend said, they will get their judgement one day. So I am going to try to continue to go forward right now, try not to think of the horrible days that led up to Ken's death.
I know that the grief will always be there, it will someday be different. I do not know what that different will be cause I can't at this moment think of never seeing my son and talking as we used to. That is a foreign thought in my mind. So I feel I must continue to go forward as best as I can. That is the healthy way for me. If I blame, I get no where, cause the person, or persons I blame does not feel no guilt. My regret is that I did not step up to the plate and take him to the doctor myself before it was too late. I had a choice not knowing he was going to die of course I would have, but knowing if I had I would have been told not by Kenny but by others to leave,,,go home ...That I did not want. I wanted to be with my son so I had to play their game and I did get to spend the last 3 months with him everyday. i love you Kenny, I am so sorry your not here, but looking forward to the day we will be together again. Love mom
Now for my surprising day, as I said earlier, Abby went in for a haircut. When we picked her up at the boarder last week she looked like a Cocker Spaniel Show Dog!
Beautiful long flowing coat, cut to perfection. The only trouble under the flowing coat was knots of hair, so I knew she would have to have a short hair cut.
What our surprise was when we picked Abby up she no longer had any hair, she had a bur. All her beautiful long shinny coat was gone. She still has her floppy ears of a cocker but she looks like a short, short hair lab,...no hair just long skinny legs, no cocker cut, no fluffy feet. Just a very short haircut. If she did not look like Abby in the face, you would not have known she was Abby. But it will grow out. I was trying to figure out why her hair knotted up. Finally I realized, our guy that cuts out yard, does not cut it low like I would like. So when she goes out her long hair becomes wet. This happened to Zoey once, but it was because I gave her a bath and didn't fully dry and brush her. So I have learned a lesson. When she comes in I am going to have to blow dry her hair and brush it a lot, something she does not like. But to have her beautiful long coat it will be a must . So until her hair get long again, she still is our loving Abby.....Abby's Mom
To my wonderful son in Heaven, mom loves and misses you so much. It seems like yesterday you went away. And it will always probably feel that way. I love you and miss you more than you could know. I am happy you are out of pain, I just wished God had healed you so you could have still been here with us without pain,
You were my son, my friend, my advisor, my first born...I love you forever. Love, a very sad mom. Your mom.....
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