A Vent (I couldn't think of a title)

   I took time off from this website because I was in a bad place during this year and I didn't want to talk to anyone online about it. Yet, there are obviously other people out there going through worse things than I am. So, I tried being grateful for whatever good thing I have and stay positive. I tried to kill myself regardless of that two weeks ago. I still go to my counselor. He had to convince me not to kill myself that day. Then, recently, I tried to kill myself again over simply a bad day.

   I learned that I need to try to learn how to settle down. Then, there's this hurricane named Hurricane Marco, I think. Then, there's this hurricane that used to be a tropical storm. I think it was named Hurricane Laura. They were coming towards Louisiana and Texas. I live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I prayed to God that my neighborhood wouldn't be devastated by the severe weather.

   The storms miraculously passed without any real damage. It kept raining on an off and there was a lot of wind and there were thunderstorms. Facilities were closed down. I had to cancel my appointment with my counselor. Friends of the my family live in Texas and they probably have to evacuate because the one of the hurricanes was coming their way. My mom told me that they're staying with their friends out of state and they're okay. I'll keep Texas in my prayers. I just hate that this pandemic is still happening.

   I failed to get finacial aid for my college this semester, and now, I can't have classes anymore. I have to wait for the next semster. My mom was upset and so was I. Long story short, it really was my fault for waiting at the last minute to get whatever I needed for college. I could've gotten everything squared away, but I waited too long. I talked to a suicide counselor and I mentioned that I used to be on this website. The counselor suggested that I should try and go back and here I am.

   This really is a good website. I have nothing against it. It's just that, in my opinion, I'm a broken record of issues. I even got sick of writing in my journal in real life. I don't like myself that much. Plus, I went back to cutting myself. I started two weeks ago up until today.

   On a lighter note, I went back to filling out job applications. I filled out one to be a landscaper for an office building of a company that owns a job search website. I think I'll either not get the job or I'll probably screw it up. Maybe I'm just being too pessimistic.