A UPDATE FROM MY LAST JOURNAL
For you my friends who commented on my journal, you were very wise and sweet to take the time to respond your comments not short and judgemental. I had a hard time whether to write it or not. I feel it makes me sound bad by sounding off about them. But a week ago Friday it brought me to a breaking point and have not felt the same yet.
Like I said it is not just me they do it too (my husband's kids) but to do it when had cancer and has died the letter has made the pain so much worse. I don't plan on responding to the letter, I feel it is my husband's place. If it was my kids they would either apology what they wrote or make a decision that we would have to part until they stood up to what they had done.
Like me bringing everyone together that Father's Day for my husband, that was the last father's day that they had together. Me I would have cherished that that had happened instead they made it into something bad about me. "And I feel until my husband stands up to them he is enabling them to continue what they do. The thing about them is they are always mad at someone, somebody all the time. It's like everyone has done them wrong. I really think the big issue with them about me is that my kids do a lot for me. They fenced in our back yard for my dog. Last year they built the beautiful deck we have. If we need something and they are close they come. Like when we lost a lot of our trees to the ice storm and we went without heat my son the minute I called went and brought us wood for the fireplace, then when the ice had melted they came and picked up all the limbs. There is nothing my kids won't do for me or others. My kids are the type that if someone needed something they would give the shirt off their backs. They take in stray people during cold times, they take in pets like during Katrina, they took care of this man's dog for 9 months. They are so giving and caring.
Where on the other hand his kids just wants wants wants. He is afraid to stand up to them and I know that is what it is. I have seen divorce parents be afraid of losing their kids. I was single a long time before I married again, but I know that mothers are the same. I didn't I looked at it if they love me they love me but I will not buy this and this and this trying to keep their love cause I feel your teaching them you get something to get love and I don't believe that is how it should be.
I am not saying that my kids were always perfect, when they were younger they had their time, we had our fights, but we always loved no matter what. I remember the first date I had, the door bell rang they just were laying around watching TV and never bothered to say hi or get up and act decent. When I got home I gave them 2 choices, I said What you did was wrong so you have two choices, one if someone rings the door bell you get up say hi and shake their hand.or you get your butt up and get upstairs to you room. Of course they chose the 2nd choice but I was not going to let them be rude to people.
For the first few years of our marriage, his son and I got along really good. He came here during college break. Now reflecting he probably just did it to irriate
What I think the problems are with his kids which is what I hear them say about other family members is it is money. They never lived in this house we have. We plan on enjoying our retirment sometime if something don't just keep happening so we have said kidding we are going to spend all our money on us. But everyone knows there will always be something left. The house, cars, savings, that will be left and it is to be divided by all 6 kids. That is what they don't like. They have already told me if their dad dies first they plan on stripping my walls when they leave. Well they are not, in fact they will not even be in my home. They will get what their dad wants them to have but not that day. Same as my kids. What we have is what we built together the last 14 years only personal things.
I do not know how they raised their kids, but it appears they were taught not to give but to take.
My issue in writing about it is this: I truely am worried about myself. When his son called and I heard his voice I hyper vent, I felt I was going to explode, we were in our truck comeing home from a good time with friends. I really thought I was going to pass our have a heart attack and I really didn't care.
I am grieving over my son the hardest loss of anything that I know, and I know that since that happened a week ago Friday, I am different. I feel angry, I am mad, I am irriatable, I am ready to jump on my husband if he says anything. I seem that I have lost control of myself. I don't like myself like this but I don't know what to do. I know what his kids do they are just jealous of the relationship we have with my kids but that I am tired of them saying so many bad things about me
But enough it is me that I am concerned about. I have never felt this feeling of what I think is hate toward anyone. I am always forgiving of people cause people are people and things happen. My pain of the loss of my son is so deep and so fresh and I might always feel it is I don't know, but I really don't know how to just let what his kids do go. I don't go with him much to see them, but right now and in Oct when my son needed both of us and he was visiting his children i am so angry about that. When my son had no strenght and me and his wife had taken him to the doctor and he fell on the hard concrete floor of the parking garage and he so much loved and depended on my husband but we were in AL my son is dying and he was in VA and what does my husband say on the phone. Oh I wish I could be there. HE COULD. HE CHOOSE TO GO TO VA, than to be with me and my son who needed the help. Watching my son trying to get off the concrete floor in so much pain I hate my husband for that day. He knew how bad he was yet he chose to visit his kids, we were going there in Jan anyway to see the new baby, he could have waited, he could have been there to help my son and me. As I write this it is not the letter I am so totally upset about it is that my husband ran over there after the letter to fix things, when my son needed him and I needed him and where was he. Not where he should have been. Maybe that is what I can not get over. I really don't care if his kids like me or not. They don't live close so I don't have to be around them . I think as I write this that if his son calls it just brings back that day that day when my big strong son could not help himself. That was the end of Oct. and then in Dec he died. How can I ever forgive my husband for this. I don't feel I can. Can't change the past, but don't know how to change this feeling that welds up in me when I think of it all. The letter would have made me mad, but truthfully his kids are not worth it, it's that my husband deserted me most when I needed him most.
Thanks for listening.
Sandi
Like I said it is not just me they do it too (my husband's kids) but to do it when had cancer and has died the letter has made the pain so much worse. I don't plan on responding to the letter, I feel it is my husband's place. If it was my kids they would either apology what they wrote or make a decision that we would have to part until they stood up to what they had done.
Like me bringing everyone together that Father's Day for my husband, that was the last father's day that they had together. Me I would have cherished that that had happened instead they made it into something bad about me. "And I feel until my husband stands up to them he is enabling them to continue what they do. The thing about them is they are always mad at someone, somebody all the time. It's like everyone has done them wrong. I really think the big issue with them about me is that my kids do a lot for me. They fenced in our back yard for my dog. Last year they built the beautiful deck we have. If we need something and they are close they come. Like when we lost a lot of our trees to the ice storm and we went without heat my son the minute I called went and brought us wood for the fireplace, then when the ice had melted they came and picked up all the limbs. There is nothing my kids won't do for me or others. My kids are the type that if someone needed something they would give the shirt off their backs. They take in stray people during cold times, they take in pets like during Katrina, they took care of this man's dog for 9 months. They are so giving and caring.
Where on the other hand his kids just wants wants wants. He is afraid to stand up to them and I know that is what it is. I have seen divorce parents be afraid of losing their kids. I was single a long time before I married again, but I know that mothers are the same. I didn't I looked at it if they love me they love me but I will not buy this and this and this trying to keep their love cause I feel your teaching them you get something to get love and I don't believe that is how it should be.
I am not saying that my kids were always perfect, when they were younger they had their time, we had our fights, but we always loved no matter what. I remember the first date I had, the door bell rang they just were laying around watching TV and never bothered to say hi or get up and act decent. When I got home I gave them 2 choices, I said What you did was wrong so you have two choices, one if someone rings the door bell you get up say hi and shake their hand.or you get your butt up and get upstairs to you room. Of course they chose the 2nd choice but I was not going to let them be rude to people.
For the first few years of our marriage, his son and I got along really good. He came here during college break. Now reflecting he probably just did it to irriate
What I think the problems are with his kids which is what I hear them say about other family members is it is money. They never lived in this house we have. We plan on enjoying our retirment sometime if something don't just keep happening so we have said kidding we are going to spend all our money on us. But everyone knows there will always be something left. The house, cars, savings, that will be left and it is to be divided by all 6 kids. That is what they don't like. They have already told me if their dad dies first they plan on stripping my walls when they leave. Well they are not, in fact they will not even be in my home. They will get what their dad wants them to have but not that day. Same as my kids. What we have is what we built together the last 14 years only personal things.
I do not know how they raised their kids, but it appears they were taught not to give but to take.
My issue in writing about it is this: I truely am worried about myself. When his son called and I heard his voice I hyper vent, I felt I was going to explode, we were in our truck comeing home from a good time with friends. I really thought I was going to pass our have a heart attack and I really didn't care.
I am grieving over my son the hardest loss of anything that I know, and I know that since that happened a week ago Friday, I am different. I feel angry, I am mad, I am irriatable, I am ready to jump on my husband if he says anything. I seem that I have lost control of myself. I don't like myself like this but I don't know what to do. I know what his kids do they are just jealous of the relationship we have with my kids but that I am tired of them saying so many bad things about me
But enough it is me that I am concerned about. I have never felt this feeling of what I think is hate toward anyone. I am always forgiving of people cause people are people and things happen. My pain of the loss of my son is so deep and so fresh and I might always feel it is I don't know, but I really don't know how to just let what his kids do go. I don't go with him much to see them, but right now and in Oct when my son needed both of us and he was visiting his children i am so angry about that. When my son had no strenght and me and his wife had taken him to the doctor and he fell on the hard concrete floor of the parking garage and he so much loved and depended on my husband but we were in AL my son is dying and he was in VA and what does my husband say on the phone. Oh I wish I could be there. HE COULD. HE CHOOSE TO GO TO VA, than to be with me and my son who needed the help. Watching my son trying to get off the concrete floor in so much pain I hate my husband for that day. He knew how bad he was yet he chose to visit his kids, we were going there in Jan anyway to see the new baby, he could have waited, he could have been there to help my son and me. As I write this it is not the letter I am so totally upset about it is that my husband ran over there after the letter to fix things, when my son needed him and I needed him and where was he. Not where he should have been. Maybe that is what I can not get over. I really don't care if his kids like me or not. They don't live close so I don't have to be around them . I think as I write this that if his son calls it just brings back that day that day when my big strong son could not help himself. That was the end of Oct. and then in Dec he died. How can I ever forgive my husband for this. I don't feel I can. Can't change the past, but don't know how to change this feeling that welds up in me when I think of it all. The letter would have made me mad, but truthfully his kids are not worth it, it's that my husband deserted me most when I needed him most.
Thanks for listening.
Sandi
Replies