A Time to Vent

I'm at work. It's boring. The economy is bad. They're even shortening our mall's hours during the week. I get worried sometimes that they might make me a part timer. That means I'll lost my insurance. That means I'm screwed. But....let's keep on the sunny side. So....these damn kidney stones are starting to kill me. I'm tired of the pain. I already have cyst pain and when this huge 9mm stone starts causing infections the pain is unbearable. The ER doc told me she didn't think they could remove it (or I should say them because there are more than just that big hunker floating around in my kidneys) because they aren't causing blockage. She says they hurt a lot because of the infections. My primary doctor says she doesn't know and refers me to a urologist. The infection started in the bladder and now is in my kidneys. My kidneys have enough going on....they don't need that. And not to mention that I went through all of this back in June.   They put me on 4 different antibiotics and I was sick for a month and a half because the infection just spread all over. I DO NOT want to go through that again. So far, I've just been grinning and bearing it. I'm tired of being tired though. Just walking up the stairs to my apt. drains me. And work, even though the hours seem to fly by lately....is draining me too. I'd rather be in bed.  But I'm trying my best not to get to that point. The good news is, my doctor got me in to see a urologist sooner than March.  I go next week and HOPEFULLY they can do something for me. And then I finally get to start seeing a nephrologist in March. I've had this disease for years and finally have the insurance to start taking care of it. Sad, really. But...I'm not dead yet. And kidney function, they tell me, is perfect. Blood pressure's high...but...I'm sure they'll fix that too. It already caused a mild stroke for goodness sakes....and I'm only 25. It's weird. I deal with the elderly every day at my job and listen to them complain about their ailments. Kidneys.  Gallstones.  Strokes. And I just nod. Because I know. And sometimes I tell them and sometimes I don't. But I know. The saddest thing is when they say, "Don't get old.  Don't get old." I don't have the heart to tell them that I may not.  Ever. But....that's not me being negative.  It's just me being realistic.  And accepting. I know the deal.  I know the drill.  And I know that I can't do much about it after it all goes down. But I can do what I'm doing now.  And that's take care of myself and follow the doctors' orders. :) Ok, I'm done venting for right now I suppose. Back to "work." ;)