A test of my character...
So turns out creepy neighbor and family went away for the weekend... took me 2 full days to get rid of the feeling of fear.
So I've been thinking today. This really isn't so much about the neighbor, but instead about my own inner growth. It's about facing danger... about standing firm to my morals... about not letting ANYONE control or intimidate me ever again.
My friend called and asked me to watch her dog last minute this week. Normally that's not a problem, her dog's quite the character. But I worry... worry about repercussion from the neighbor (the whole threat thing again), worry what might happen to the dog. My friend said she TRUSTS me to deal with it (and she's the psychologist, so she knows whether or not I can do it, lol) and she TRUSTS me to make sure he stays safe. And deep down, I know she's right. I can deal with this, I can keep him safe. The real issue is the fear.... living with an abuser that was so subtle about it, makes me feel vulnerable. But then again, that's WHY I need to face this...
Oh, and I checked into a privacy fence... gotta love living in the boonies (not - well at least not this time); Fencing either has to be ordered and no pricing available until time of order OR I have to drive 3 hours to get to Lowes or Menards. Well, guess I'm going to have to do a trip this week.
Gotta run - dogs barking. LATER!
So I've been thinking today. This really isn't so much about the neighbor, but instead about my own inner growth. It's about facing danger... about standing firm to my morals... about not letting ANYONE control or intimidate me ever again.
My friend called and asked me to watch her dog last minute this week. Normally that's not a problem, her dog's quite the character. But I worry... worry about repercussion from the neighbor (the whole threat thing again), worry what might happen to the dog. My friend said she TRUSTS me to deal with it (and she's the psychologist, so she knows whether or not I can do it, lol) and she TRUSTS me to make sure he stays safe. And deep down, I know she's right. I can deal with this, I can keep him safe. The real issue is the fear.... living with an abuser that was so subtle about it, makes me feel vulnerable. But then again, that's WHY I need to face this...
Oh, and I checked into a privacy fence... gotta love living in the boonies (not - well at least not this time); Fencing either has to be ordered and no pricing available until time of order OR I have to drive 3 hours to get to Lowes or Menards. Well, guess I'm going to have to do a trip this week.
Gotta run - dogs barking. LATER!
Replies
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
You are so right about the fear thing! And your friend the psychologist is also right about you! She can trust you to deal with it and you will. I agree living with an abuser that is very subtle does make one feel vulnerable. But we must ignore that fear and walk right past it. It is not a valid fear and has no power over us if we just walk past it. Right now I am trying to face the fear of a possible medical issue, the X will say it is nothing, but it is something and I have no one to help me through this if I require hospitalization and that has me scared. But I have nothing to fear, I can take care of myself better than he or my kids ever did or could. So forget and keep on walking.! yeah! Let us know about the fencing trip! Good Luck! (((Hugs)))
Yes, I hear what you are saying. I\'ve been there...still am. I\'m still letting whoever tried to get in my back door get to me. (probably the ex)
When this happens to me I have to remember what I have done and continue to do. You ride bikes on deserted trails. You take care of quite a few dogs by yourself. You\'ve fixed up your house and made it your home. You can get over this and do anything you really want to do
05/28/2012 8:45am
Now that you have connected those emotions you are realizing how strong you can be. It took you awhile to release the fear, but you handled it well.
And, if you have to put up a privacy fence to feel safe, thats ok. We have all had to figure out how to protect ourselves.
I\'m sending you (((Hugs))), peaceful thoughts, strength, prayers, love and friendship.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and self doubts in this entry. I was reading today about how your number one job is to protect your soul and it\'s growth. And the crux of it all was that it is your responsibility to let nothing get in the way of that~! I think these trials make us all stronger... I hope my comments make sense.
I\'m not sure how facing and overcoming your fear is a test of your character. You\'re doing your best. That\'s a testament to your wonderful character. But I\'m really glad you\'re not letting anyone control or intimidate you anymore. I\'m working on that, too. ((((hugs))))