A taste of the outside world.
My visit to my mom, with my 2 granddaughters, went well. The 2 kids enjoyed themselves, and our visit meant a lot to my mom. But now I feel completely drained!
The one thing I discovered there, is that life goes on without my sweet Colleen, almost as if she was never a part of life at all! This hurt! Reality is cruel and has no mercy. I used up all my strength to go into the outside world, and now I'm left empty and in pain. I do not wish to partake in the outside world ever again! Why should I keep on caring, if those around me are so unable to see or recognise my pain? I was introduced as "the one who lost her little girl recently", and immediately the discussions changed to some other subject. I don't want pity!! I just want acknowlegement that Colleen was a very beautiful person, that she actually lived, and has now gone to heaven!
I feel angry and bitter towards life and the world outside. I'm just not a good person at the moment.
The one thing I discovered there, is that life goes on without my sweet Colleen, almost as if she was never a part of life at all! This hurt! Reality is cruel and has no mercy. I used up all my strength to go into the outside world, and now I'm left empty and in pain. I do not wish to partake in the outside world ever again! Why should I keep on caring, if those around me are so unable to see or recognise my pain? I was introduced as "the one who lost her little girl recently", and immediately the discussions changed to some other subject. I don't want pity!! I just want acknowlegement that Colleen was a very beautiful person, that she actually lived, and has now gone to heaven!
I feel angry and bitter towards life and the world outside. I'm just not a good person at the moment.
Replies
oh the outside world is cruel,,, it took so long to be ok for me to be out there... shopping,,, just driving,,,, oh how I cried getting groceries... but yes, life goes on without our beautiful daughters,,, I am the one who keeps Morgan\'s name out there,,, I mention her name,, I talk about her,,,even with tears in my eyes,,, and so sad,,, there are people who were \'friends\' that turn away,,,let them,,, I found those \'friends\' are not needed.... love and peace to your heart...
I understand feeling drained because the work and energy involved on this path is tenfold! Just participate and do what feels okay for you and if cocooning is needed for awhile then go for it.
I too am like Nora and just talk freely about Douglas. If others are uncomfortable so be it. It really is all about them and not about your precious Colleen or you, yet I know it stings and hurts terribly.
Loving care to fill you back up and YOU are a good person. What has happened in your life is tragic and that is what is not fair, good or one bit okay. Feel all that you need to and get it out and know that you are understood beyond measure here.
Loving care to your precious Colleen and her forever mom today and always.
XO Joanie
No, No, No! You are a \"good\" person who is suffering a terrible reality, one we all share who have lost a child of any age to any circumstance. We become invisible, we are avoided, conversations about our children make other people very uncomfortable. I talk about my April and I can see that, except for one friend who lost a daughter 48 years ago, it makes people very uncomfortable. This is a phase you are going through: isolating, wanting to stay out of the public, hating the fact that people are acting as if Colleen never lived. I have gone through it and still do at times. See the first two comments: we all share this experience, identical to one another.
There is a scientific article that says mother and child are \"linked at the cellular level\". This means you carry your Colleen\'s DNA, she is a part of you, it\'s in your brain and all other organs, these people are fortunate to have never suffered the horrible physical loss of that child. So long as you live, she lives in you. And she is not \"gone\" nor \"forgotten\", God has her. People are ignorant, dear SOTH. May you find some comfort. We are always here for you.
You are a wonderful person. You were the best mother to Colleen. You have been a very good friend to me....I am sorry you feel so bad. Huggs and lots of love xoxo
You are a sweet person and wonderful mom to Colleen. Now you are grieving a loss that I wish no parent should ever have to bear. Im so very sorry people are acting so uncaring towards you. People may be ignoring you and Colleen\'s memory for fear that they don\'t know what to say..which is wrong. Acknowledgement is important and will eventually help you through the grieving process. I do hope you have someone close that you can talk to about Colleen. Please don\'t shut yourself off and not talk about her. I didn\'t know your sweet daughter, but I will listen and I\'m here anytime you want to talk, just send me a PM. Blessings to you. Hugs, Bonnie
I think of FMO as \"being an elephant,\" one of my favorite wild animals. Here we cherish each other and most importantly cherish the children of each other. Elephants respect death and do not walk by a dead elephant without acknowledging the bones of the deceased.
So if you are missing Colleen, you are in the right place.
Love ya,
Leda
Tight hugs my friend~~
Understanding it all~~