A slight Intervention
What a day this has been.
My husband quit his job with his family's business 3 weeks ago tomorrow. He had been unhappy there for quite sometime and quite frankly blamed his unhappiness in the workplace for triggering his drinking habits on most occasions. So when he told me he wanted to quit, I was okay with it. I thought, "Perfect, time for a fresh start."
It was good for about two weeks, then it wasn't. It was back to what he was doing before. Taking his personal credit card, purchasing alcohol, and consuming it before I got home from work and disguising it so I wouldn't know that he had anything to drink. What he didn't know is that I had caught onto his scheme a while back so I regularly checked his credit account (okay I checked it daily).
He started to seem normal when he drank, the charges so low from the stores, usually only $3 or less, that I thought he was turning a corner and controlling his problem. Plus he was only going once. Not multiple times and driving while under the influence (mind you, he has 1 DUI already).
Until today. Today made it all come crashing down. His parents are quite upset with how he left things, after all he up and quit with no notice. I do understand their anger with that, but I do agree that they are being harsh. They don't want him around the house or to speak to them. He is not used to not having a relationship with his mom, that is his best friend. He's incredibly hurt. He asked for a chance to speak to them and they declined, twice.
He also went to the doctor today to get his knee checked out, and the doctor informed him, he's concerned that it is a meniscus tear. Normally you would think, bummer, but it can be fixed, but right now my husband is trying to become a police officer and he has to take physical agility tests very soon. This dampened his spirit a ton. His first thoughts were great, my parents are going to screw me during my background investigations and now I can't even perform physically, I might as well give up.
He decided to go all out today. He went to the 7-11 and bought mini bottles and a large can of beer. He then proceeded to go to the store two more times and get more to drink. I saw the charges go onto his card and went into extreme panic mode. I was away at work and I commute. I knew it would take me over an hour to get home and who knows what would happen in that hour. I called my brother, I asked him to stake out our place and make sure he didn't leave our apartment complex in his car. My brother and his girlfriend just had a baby...A BABY. But he offered to do this for me.
My friend drove me home from work, and we showed up at my place. I was so scared to go in alone. He said he would come with me. We walked inside, and my husband is laying on the floor, passed out. I felt a little bit better that he was asleep and I wasn't going to have to deal with him. Our friend stayed for about an hour and then left.
My husband woke up shortly after this. I suggested he lay down and go to sleep. He grumbled angrily and went to our bed. I thought for sure he would fall asleep. I was so wrong. He woke up, and he was disoriented and he was angry. I immediately texted my friend and asked that he come back. We had already decided that this night would be the night that I leave him. I had already rounded up all the car keys, I had them in my purse and I was ready to go.
My husband became angry with me. He told me he hated me. He said I have a present for you, and he went and got his wedding ring and said, if you leave don't ever come back here. I instantly got upset. He then said nobody cares about me! My parents hate me and so do you, why don't you go see them! I told him plenty people cared and I started to rattle off a list of people, and he said well where are they, they aren't here are they? Little did he know our friend was on his way. I built up the courage to walk out the door and at that exact moment, our friend arrived. I gave him my house key and said, please help him. I need to go.
His wife showed up shortly after that to be with me and I explained what happened. She stayed with me the entire time her husband was with mine. I cried and cried and tried to understand why my husband was doing what he was doing. Hours passed, almost 3 to be exact, and her husband sent her a text that said, we are going to pray and then Erin can come back.
I was nervous to be honest. I wasn't sure this was going to be a good idea. Was he convincing our friend and then going to turn into his nasty self? I came inside with our dogs and he looked at me. I could tell he was coming back into a sober state and I saw he genuinely was happy to see me walk through the door.
Our friends left and we decided to talk. He told me what they had discussed and how he had been fighting these thoughts of wanting to be with the demons rather than God. How he wanted to be perfect so God could worry about one less person. That he felt he had to be perfect for me, for us. That he stopped going to his recovery class through church because he thought he had to be perfect and he didn't want to admit he was struggling.
It was a lot to hear. I didn't share my feelings as much. I feel as though I'll get that chance tomorrow. I need him to know how much this affects me. That I don't expect him to be perfect. That I want to know he is struggling. I feel like this has given us a chance to move forward. I plan on doing just that. I want to help him, and I think he's ready to help himself. I'm also ready to get the help that I need and that we need as a couple.
Even after a day like today, I am feeling hopeful.
My husband quit his job with his family's business 3 weeks ago tomorrow. He had been unhappy there for quite sometime and quite frankly blamed his unhappiness in the workplace for triggering his drinking habits on most occasions. So when he told me he wanted to quit, I was okay with it. I thought, "Perfect, time for a fresh start."
It was good for about two weeks, then it wasn't. It was back to what he was doing before. Taking his personal credit card, purchasing alcohol, and consuming it before I got home from work and disguising it so I wouldn't know that he had anything to drink. What he didn't know is that I had caught onto his scheme a while back so I regularly checked his credit account (okay I checked it daily).
He started to seem normal when he drank, the charges so low from the stores, usually only $3 or less, that I thought he was turning a corner and controlling his problem. Plus he was only going once. Not multiple times and driving while under the influence (mind you, he has 1 DUI already).
Until today. Today made it all come crashing down. His parents are quite upset with how he left things, after all he up and quit with no notice. I do understand their anger with that, but I do agree that they are being harsh. They don't want him around the house or to speak to them. He is not used to not having a relationship with his mom, that is his best friend. He's incredibly hurt. He asked for a chance to speak to them and they declined, twice.
He also went to the doctor today to get his knee checked out, and the doctor informed him, he's concerned that it is a meniscus tear. Normally you would think, bummer, but it can be fixed, but right now my husband is trying to become a police officer and he has to take physical agility tests very soon. This dampened his spirit a ton. His first thoughts were great, my parents are going to screw me during my background investigations and now I can't even perform physically, I might as well give up.
He decided to go all out today. He went to the 7-11 and bought mini bottles and a large can of beer. He then proceeded to go to the store two more times and get more to drink. I saw the charges go onto his card and went into extreme panic mode. I was away at work and I commute. I knew it would take me over an hour to get home and who knows what would happen in that hour. I called my brother, I asked him to stake out our place and make sure he didn't leave our apartment complex in his car. My brother and his girlfriend just had a baby...A BABY. But he offered to do this for me.
My friend drove me home from work, and we showed up at my place. I was so scared to go in alone. He said he would come with me. We walked inside, and my husband is laying on the floor, passed out. I felt a little bit better that he was asleep and I wasn't going to have to deal with him. Our friend stayed for about an hour and then left.
My husband woke up shortly after this. I suggested he lay down and go to sleep. He grumbled angrily and went to our bed. I thought for sure he would fall asleep. I was so wrong. He woke up, and he was disoriented and he was angry. I immediately texted my friend and asked that he come back. We had already decided that this night would be the night that I leave him. I had already rounded up all the car keys, I had them in my purse and I was ready to go.
My husband became angry with me. He told me he hated me. He said I have a present for you, and he went and got his wedding ring and said, if you leave don't ever come back here. I instantly got upset. He then said nobody cares about me! My parents hate me and so do you, why don't you go see them! I told him plenty people cared and I started to rattle off a list of people, and he said well where are they, they aren't here are they? Little did he know our friend was on his way. I built up the courage to walk out the door and at that exact moment, our friend arrived. I gave him my house key and said, please help him. I need to go.
His wife showed up shortly after that to be with me and I explained what happened. She stayed with me the entire time her husband was with mine. I cried and cried and tried to understand why my husband was doing what he was doing. Hours passed, almost 3 to be exact, and her husband sent her a text that said, we are going to pray and then Erin can come back.
I was nervous to be honest. I wasn't sure this was going to be a good idea. Was he convincing our friend and then going to turn into his nasty self? I came inside with our dogs and he looked at me. I could tell he was coming back into a sober state and I saw he genuinely was happy to see me walk through the door.
Our friends left and we decided to talk. He told me what they had discussed and how he had been fighting these thoughts of wanting to be with the demons rather than God. How he wanted to be perfect so God could worry about one less person. That he felt he had to be perfect for me, for us. That he stopped going to his recovery class through church because he thought he had to be perfect and he didn't want to admit he was struggling.
It was a lot to hear. I didn't share my feelings as much. I feel as though I'll get that chance tomorrow. I need him to know how much this affects me. That I don't expect him to be perfect. That I want to know he is struggling. I feel like this has given us a chance to move forward. I plan on doing just that. I want to help him, and I think he's ready to help himself. I'm also ready to get the help that I need and that we need as a couple.
Even after a day like today, I am feeling hopeful.
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