A similar vent

Ok I am here just venting. Honestly, I am feeling sad. obviously I do a lot in my life. If so why the hell is it so hard to become successful...instead of living at home. Like I have said, I have done the Navy, associate's, and now officially on my way to bachelor degree. I am 35 years old. I just feel I should not be living here. It is kind of energy draining. I should push harder to do so, but I am just so ambitionless. I kind of feel no matter how hard I fight, I still end up in the same spot. What the hell! I would love to get my own place. What scares me about that is I will end up being alone, and always too miserable to go out. The strange thing is I am actually happy with me. I am. Until I step out in society, then I don't feel like I belong. Okay with my thinking, no intelligent thought suggest that I do. I so believe to be somewhat successful in life...even just a little bit of hate has to be there to do so. I don't want to hate, and live my life that way. Plus, I am certain that anti depression is enough. I don't think that it is a good thing to add hate in the mix. I think what hurts me sometimes is that I am more than willing to do things for others. I guess I don't want others to be miserable like me. Come on...antidepressant...the natural over lovers.
I do believe that god will be there to give me the strength when necessary, but I don't know how to go about life at 35. I would love to meet someone have a life with them. Knowing that when I finally get a job, the joy of knowing I will actually open my own doors with a smile. obliviously that is a fantasy. Technically, my fantasies can be more detailed.