A shattered heart.
I have many ,many journal entries in my phone, that is specifically about this nightmare I call my life right now. But I feel the need to start adding them on here starting now.
She made it brutally clear that we are absolutely over. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness I just don't know how to go on this way. She told me she is trying to save money up to move out. there is no romantic relationship ever again. She says I really love her too much and that she doesn't want everything handed to her on a silver platter. She asked me, what she deserves? I told her everything. She said "I don't want that" she said she hopes to find someone that will love her as much as she can love somebody which is not as much as I love her. I guess when I go to therapy I'll have to start working on how to deal with this. Because I can't deal with the sadness. I'm feeling very resentful very heartbroken very lonely and very invisible to her. I realize that after I read a article on if your relationship isn't making you happy...there were ten reasons to reevaluate your relationship. Well all 10 items is what she has shown me over the past few years. I wish I'd woken up a long time ago because apparently it's been over for a very long time.
She made it brutally clear that we are absolutely over. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness I just don't know how to go on this way. She told me she is trying to save money up to move out. there is no romantic relationship ever again. She says I really love her too much and that she doesn't want everything handed to her on a silver platter. She asked me, what she deserves? I told her everything. She said "I don't want that" she said she hopes to find someone that will love her as much as she can love somebody which is not as much as I love her. I guess when I go to therapy I'll have to start working on how to deal with this. Because I can't deal with the sadness. I'm feeling very resentful very heartbroken very lonely and very invisible to her. I realize that after I read a article on if your relationship isn't making you happy...there were ten reasons to reevaluate your relationship. Well all 10 items is what she has shown me over the past few years. I wish I'd woken up a long time ago because apparently it's been over for a very long time.
Replies
Oh Tj, your pain is evident just reading this entry. I know it doesn\'t sound comforting at the moment, but one day you will see that she has let you go for a reason. Perhaps that reason is to find yourself and your happiness again. I am in the middle of a divorce now, and went through almost the exact same problems that you\'re having. However, I\'ve come to a point that I need to be grateful to my soon to be ex husband for letting me go. Because I get to be ME now, it\'s a struggle everyday, but I\'m finding some peace that I haven\'t had in years. You can do this! Fight for yourself! Find yourself! Reclaim your hope.
Tj,
Many of us on this site did not notice that our spouses had already checked out emotionally. We also were blind sided.
My stbx was living a double life. Carrying on like he loved me, doing all of the loving husband things, yet in a relationship with the OW for years.
Wishing you peace & acceptance so that you can move forward & start to heal.
Thoughts & prayers, TCB