A Ray of Hope?
Months after our 39th anniversary, I still do not understand Hubby's approach to extended family, not even when I see ^it^ in the other silver platter refugees who have haunted my life and convinced me it would be safer and saner to grow up to be a bag lady than a rich man's wife. Stronger cages are among the things money can buy. Easily. Then we get to the sharks in the money tanks. The lawsuit lotto players in my own family tree have threatened to go after my "Rich Aunt" money more than once. Hit me with your best shot, cupcake. . . Fire away.
Decades ago, when Hubs and I were still cute enough to fight like Barbie and Ken in the hands of a traumatized child, I met his least favourite cousin at a family party. I didnae know of her disfavoured status until ? ? ? dunno when he finally got up off that fact. On our way back from the party, he was one mean hombre. His psycho ranting was far to fierce to make sense. This cousin and I bonded immediately and felt like a soulmate. I went to visit her once and didnae dare to try THAT a second time, nay even in the years of separation where I damn near dumped the chump. My dislike for lawyers and the people who love them is the only thing that kept us out of divorce court.
That cousin was among the people who sent condolence cards. She had written her phone number on the card. I googled her address before I dialed the number. She lives less than an hour away from here. Her mother lives a bit north of her. When I dialed her number, the reconnect was immediate. To my broken brain, that be the mark of a soulmate. That call was mostly platudinous, but when I dialed the number yesterday and poured out my confusion, she promised to be out here early tomorrow afternoon. A short while later, she texted to ask if she could bring her mother. I texted back, "Can I bring my mother? She REALLY wants to play with those babies." I texted back, "The more the merrier. These babies NEED someone to play with them."
To this beaten crazy bitch wolf, the romance of the five generation legacy is far more valuable than the value of 135 acres of Boom Market realestate. That romance often feels far less accessible than Romeo and Juliet, but when a pragmatist gets romantic stars in her eyes. . . Beaten crazy bitch wolf on the trail. . .
Dunno if I am lost in La La Land again or? ? ?
As I type, the full of the Samhain Moon is winking through the bedroom window. To my senses, Haloween and it's cousin, "All Saint's Day" are but marks on the Gregorian calendar. My primal senses cannae ignore the light of the Samhain Moon. I can easily believe the Druidic Dogma that the curtain between the physical and spiritual world thin during the Samhain Moon. Like I wasn't unstable enough to begin with. . .
Letting that mystery be and looking forward to this afternoon.
That moon is undeniably eye catching. Again I marvel at what 21st century light lovers call, "Darkness." Keep your brighter bulbs to yourself, would ya? You are trespassing on a truly spectacular light show.
Replies
Samhain... Halloween! I want to be a druid.
I like when it smells like Halloween around here.
Big hugs to you arfie. Catching up on your journal and sending loads of positive energy to you.
Big hug sweetie...… I hope that you have a great visit with your cousin-in-law..... Nothing like having great girlfriends to talk to IMHO.... I hope that the family comes together in a really positive way...…. xo
All Souls Night is my favorite night of the year and for me, as is the family tradition, still marks the end of the old year and the beginning of the promise of a new.
After 15 years of marriage, understanding my husband’s relationship and choices is slowly becoming understandable. He will have nothing to do with his mother’s side at all and in many ways for good reasons. For me it’s been hard as even though my mom has always been estranged from her mother and brothers, she never let that affect my relationship with them. On my dad's side family comes first no matter how we feel about each other.
Unfortunately after my grandmother’s death ten years ago and my grandfather’s near fatal accident two years ago, I’ve seen the vultures circling. For me it has to be one of the most upsetting things to witness because prior I had never say my family as selfish. As my aunt gears up for the eventual passing of my grandfather, both my dad and I are of the opinion she can have it all so long as the family stays together. Inheritance isn’t with losing more family after the passing of one.
These uncomfortable revelations about my family have given me more empathy and understanding for my husband’s position on his mother’s side though. The circling vultures in my own family are increasingly upsetting for me and I starting to consider the benefits of my husband’s position of severing ties with family because I just can’t seem to handle such petty greed that only creates hostility and divides families.
I’m glad for you Arfie that you have found a connection with your cousin-in-law again. I have thought and even a few times attempted connecting with my husband’s mother’s side but in the end & lessons learned, I let my husband lead that dance. His mother is a drug addict that only ever comes around for money to support her habit and his half siblings only enable her. It’s my husbands choice and I trust his judgement in this as his mother has never had any inclination to meet me, her granddaughters, nor get to know us. I would like it to be different but seeing the developing greed in my own family grow, I’m grateful for my husband protecting us from exposure to a different part of our family only interested in their next fix.
Sending link to one of my favorite songs since I was at teen in honor of Samhain - All Souls Night by Loreena McKennitt.
Hugs & love & support my friend!
https://youtu.be/RooTTuLCfNM
Thanks for your story about connecting with that cousin, arfie. As you know, I grew up away from my extended family as a missionary kid abroad. When I came to the USA to go to college, I connected, then, with cousins for the first time. I found out that in addition to feeling a call to ministry, my parents had chosen to live abroad because my extended family had issues I'd never heard about.
The issues were such that one of my cousins had been removed by social from my extended family's custody and adopted out from Maryland to Missouri, where I was living. She still was willing to meet with me and be my cousin, though, which was pretty amazing. I'm grateful for support wherever I find it, and I'm grateful you've found some in a cousin, too, a ray of hope, as you say.
That cousin story is from Hubby's branch of the family tree. To the best of my knowledge, nobody in his family tree claims prison as their Alma Mater or welfare scams as their "Work," but he, too, finds jumping the bloody fields of family estrangement somewhere between difficult and impossible.
Welcome to the 21st century. My best beloved sis and I have begun to wonder if our clan of criminally promiscuous nutjobs is "Better Than Most" on the family communication scale. How sad a statement is that?
Oh well. . . Who needs family when you can have thousands of friends you will never meet on the internet? Let's hear it for phones that are smarter than the people they use for transportation. Yo, mule, let me snag a closer peek at that sexy Ipad.
Hugs to all.
My mother-in-law has been a force to be reckoned with through the years, so I understand dealing with husband’s family. Hugs!