A process

Recovery is a process.  It's not a straight uphill line for sure.Last week during PMS time I skipped my usual homeopathy which helps with my moodiness and irritability and boy did I notice! I cry more and become much more sensitive during this time.I let myself cry in meetings and even cried while sharing in meetings I usually don't do that.  That is maturity for me.  I feel sort of self conscious about it - it is ultimately cleansing for me, but I think people who see it hold onto that - it's like I have processed it and others don't.  I have that ability to tap into my feelings and a counselor told me that is rare. That was extremely common when I was new, crying while sharing. It's about honesty and accountability and finding other ways to cope with pain and frustration.So this T guy it seems like kind of a friend w/ benefits thing, which is weird for me.  I like a lot of his qualities.  I've never really dated a Christian long term - yeah he is not a perfect Christian (the sex thing), and his sponsor is a "bible thumper" who I really like, who actually asked me to church and coffee a few months back, then took back the coffee offer, saying we're just friends - I'd started to fall a bit for him, so I felt very sad and retreated ike it says in "It's called a breakup because it's broken" (Greg Behrendt) and did the 60 day hetox - I ran into him about a week and a half shy of the 60 days and it was still hard those first few days. Anyway it's funny another of his sponsees is the guy I went to a concert w/ in Oct - not really a date but I was falling for him, and I didn't see him for a whole 3 months using the same tool - this guy J, and J noticed that absense when I saw him.  And yeah I could be more clear by then.And yeah now I have a new friendship and it is time to learn about boundaries and try to apply them in a way that's healthy for me.It seems I'm in the process of being hired directly at this job since the temp agency hours have been completed.  I guess that is congatulations.Yes and Sunday is my 5 year sobriety bday! Wow.  Found out a cousin is 2 years sober today!  Only saw him once or twice in adulthood - last time when his dad died after the funeral he locked himself in his car with a glass pipe at the end of the night - I hadn't seen him in over 10 years.  I was sad. So this is great news.  The cousin who told me is about 3 1/2 years sober, and I remember talking to him about AA - I was a month sober when my uncle died, and I remember that cousin drinking that day of the death.  I'm so glad I have family in recovery.  I feel sort of mad at mom for telling me sobriety isn't everything and I'm not elevating myself fast enough for living with them, and still offers me wine recently.  Sigh...  She and I and my cous are supposed to do lunch like we do, and I don't want to bring him in the middle, since she seems proud of him and supports him but me?... Sigh.  All I need is God's approval.Before I got into recovery...I owed $30 in credit card debtNow I'm free from any credit card debt.I was an exotic dancer - I quit that, which was incredibly hard to get out of.  I lived with an abusive alcoholic addict fance who had turned to crack cocaine.I've stayed out of a relationship with him.I even got baptised and attended church for a while, and I'm active in AA, MA and Al Anon meetings.So yea God sees my heart and Mom may never approve, but I have to look at my progress.