A POEM I RECENTLY WROTE

My Deliberate Life   It is early morning, and I am still asleep My body is peaceful as it drinks up every minute it has to recharge As the sun creeps into my room, its warm fingers gently wake me I savour the few minutes I have until it hits me --- minutes of blissful ignorance and disconnection to my body And then like an innocent child being shot at from all directions, it hits me I gasp and curl up into the fetal position rocking myself until I'm awake enough to realize that I'm ok I sit up, let the pain wash over me, and think about my plans for the day The trick is to try to do everything that needs doing without fainting or vomiting in public, and without ending up in the hospital by the end of the day To others that pass me on the street, I look like an average university student walking to class But everywhere is my battlefield, and parts of my body that have betrayed me mercilessly leer at me from enemy lines I try not to let this faze me and I continue to draw on my inner strength to get me through every hour, every minute, and even every second Time has never gone by so slowly There are too many hours in a day, and never enough through the night I make it to class and reluctantly sit down, holding my breath as I let an ocean of pain wash over me There are sometimes waves big enough to throw me out of my body --- to make everything that usually matters disintegrate and fall through the fists that I make --- to make me forget about all of my dreams and hopes for the future and that put me in that exact moment in time where all I can do is hold on for dear life until it calms once again But I refuse to let them drown me Refuse to let them wash me away until I'm nothing but an invalid Refuse to accept and cater to them Refuse to give up If a patriotic soldier was suddenly outnumbered, would he run the other way or would he fight with the passion of a thousand suns? It's that simple If I give up, my enemy will have won The day goes on like this, slowly, leaving me exhausted before sunset When I'm finally back in my bed, I desperately wait for myself to fall asleep, but my pain keeps me awake for hours, of which I feel every second By the time I'm ready to fall asleep, I have already made the decision to get up again the next day Every day, every hour, every second, I live deliberately.  By:  Kathleen M. Overs