A perfect moment
I've been doing better, little by little. I'm sleeping a little better, still not good, but better. I'm working on the things I need to do. Still I feel like I'm pushing elephants uphill, everything is exhausting to me a lot of the time. Everything has an underlying slight feel of sadness. I know this will pass as I move forward and as time passes. I haven't heard from him in a week. I don't know if he is okay or not. So many things remind me of him. I know that this will get better too.
Yesterday, I had a perfect moment, actually about 10 minutes. I took my 14 month old grandson to the mall to the play area since it was raining and we had cabin fever. When we were done, we sat on a sofa by the food court and shared a slice of pizza. He just relaxed against me and waved to everyone going by. I was relaxed. I was at peace, not anxious, not worried, not thinking, just sitting with my grandson eating pizza. And it was perfect.
I hope for more of these moments. I know I will have them. Every day away is a day more free. And I will grow new roots. One day I will actually not think about him, not wonder or regret.
I realize that there are things I need to do to make things better. I haven't followed up with a therapist. I saw one a few times through the crisis center, but I need to find one that I can see regularly. I also need to find an Alanon meeting to do to.
I'm moving on Friday into my apartment. I am so looking forward to this. I'm worried about finding a job so I can keep up the rent and living expenses. I don't want to let my worry ruin my happiness about this though. I know I will figure it out.
Yesterday, I had a perfect moment, actually about 10 minutes. I took my 14 month old grandson to the mall to the play area since it was raining and we had cabin fever. When we were done, we sat on a sofa by the food court and shared a slice of pizza. He just relaxed against me and waved to everyone going by. I was relaxed. I was at peace, not anxious, not worried, not thinking, just sitting with my grandson eating pizza. And it was perfect.
I hope for more of these moments. I know I will have them. Every day away is a day more free. And I will grow new roots. One day I will actually not think about him, not wonder or regret.
I realize that there are things I need to do to make things better. I haven't followed up with a therapist. I saw one a few times through the crisis center, but I need to find one that I can see regularly. I also need to find an Alanon meeting to do to.
I'm moving on Friday into my apartment. I am so looking forward to this. I'm worried about finding a job so I can keep up the rent and living expenses. I don't want to let my worry ruin my happiness about this though. I know I will figure it out.
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